Feel like you’ve run out of things to say after years of marriage? Don’t worry, it happens to everyone. That doesn’t mean you’re headed for trouble, but you’ve definitely lost the foundation of intimacy – communication. Let’s look at a few ways to bring back the communication and watch how you begin to reconnect even after so many years !
Revive old methods.
Whether yours was an arranged marriage or love, there was a courtship period where you constantly devised new ways to get messages across to each other because there was just so much to say. As years in a marriage pass, you don’t actually run out of things to say. You just stop making the effort to say them. So do what you did during courtship – write letters, call up just to say ‘I love you’ or or even email and chat but talk to each other.
To Do: After such a long time of not doin it, it’s normal to feel shy or hesitant. You might even think your partner would laugh your effort away. Don’t back down. Start with something small if it’s difficult to write a love letter right away. How about a little love note in the briefcase saying you look forward to seeing him/her that evening?
Words don’t matter.
Try the silent treatment for a couple of days. No, not the kind you give when you’re angry at them. Take a weekend off and go somewhere. Doesn’t have to be a trip, you can just check into a hotel/spa right in your city. And for two days just communicate with gestures. No words! It might take a while to get the wheels in motion where you sign and your partner immediately gets it. But you have plenty of time. That’s why the weekend getaway! Just be patient and keep signing. This will re-tune both of you into each other’s body language and bring a whole new level of intimacy to your relationship.
To do: Play a game of dumb-charades in candle light where you only pick movie names that talk about an emotion.
What am I thinking?
A little communication game for you to play everyday. Sit together for 10 minutes and play where one of you starts a sentence about yourself and the other completes it. For example, my favorite vacation spot is…? People change a lot over years and so do their likes and dislikes. What you liked when you met each other might not be the same thing now. This exercise helps to re-introduce yourself to each other and you realize there are so many new things to explore about your partner again!
To Do: Make it a daily 10 minute game before you sleep every night. The relaxed mood will help both of you open up more.
What??? It’s a trick right? How can you bring intimacy without sex? But that’s a common myth. Intimacy is much more than just sex. Intimacy is the knowledge of each other’s deepest desires and the complete comfort of being with each other. So for this new communication game, get into bed and explore each other. There has to be no sex. Just touch each other, caress, and hold your partner close. Play sensual music and even have scented candles in the room if you want. But the ground rule is, NO RUSH. You have to take the time to explore one another. In long marriages, most of the time sex becomes another household chore that needs to be ‘done’. But when you indulge in this game and you know there’s no pressure of sex or performance, you will really enjoy just being with each other. And when the sex comes after a few days. it’ll be fireworks!
Pick an erotic book, even a Mills and Boon would do, and read it to each other in bed. Pretty soon, you wouldn’t even remember that there was a time when you stopped pining for each other!
With these simple exercises and games, you can re-create the magic of newly-weds and give your marriage a new lease of life!
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