Hi princy, I can imagine the emotional pain you must be going through in your life when you can’t even understand yourself. Our identity gives us confidence to face the world but you sound like you don’t know who you are and that’s why the world is such a scary and confusing place. I also feel that you have attachment difficulties and that’s why you either attach and express either too much, too little or inappropriately. I would suggest you seek professional long term emotional help with a good therapist. It will do wonders for your self esteem and your life chaos. As for breaking up with your boyfriend, remember that you’re trying to sabotage the only stable relationship in your life and pushing away the one person who accepts you the way you are. It won’t make anything better princy. Try to work with the few assets you have and don’t push them away. They are your strengths, let them be there. All the best!