I can Very well understand your problems. A cousin of mine had similar issues to deal with. I think that your biggest problem is loneliness, n due to this u r unable to face people with better communication skills, or anyone in a better position than u in life. You need to accept the fact that just like someone else might be better than u, u too r better than others. Respect others n start seeing life with optimism.if today isn’t the day, tomorrow might be,n if not tomorrow, then maybe dayafter. Life is full of surprises. If u have had a boyfriend whom u were with due to your low self esteem, it doesn’t matter. Who doesn’t make mistakes? N now that u r not together, life has better options for u. Learn from your past mistakes. If u r not able to make friends in college then try joining many groups or participate in activities that u like.this way, u can interact with people n not be alone because I’m telling you from my personal experiences that u can fight anything in life but not loneliness which eventually builds up depression and can be really hard to fight with.
Have u tried talking about it to ur cousins if not with parents (I read any ur communication being poor with them). Try talking to a close cousin, a sister maybe who could probably help u out. Not all relatives r bad. Don’t judge people by the relations between elders. Try taking a chance but carefully.
Stay happy and think beautifully. Life isn’t all that bad. Be optimistic.
If u ever need help, u can contact me at [email protected]