Hi sandeep , its ok past is passed now don’t think about it. Now u has to focus on girl who loves u. If u love her truly then u should do some things as she wants but does not mean u should punish urself like this. Hobiously no girl wants to live like with this kind of guys. So talk with her clearly all the things. She will understand u definitely. Don’t try to go aware of her or don’t punish urself by any kind. Be bold and don’t bare any risk on u. And try to avoid alcohol and smoke they will increase ur stress.