Reply To: Fedup on huge responsibilities



I lost my father during my studies. Very hardly I did engineering and got a job. Took a bank loan with 5 years emi and constructed our own house. Cleared so many debts and cleared balance dowry amount of my sister. Almost 7 years completed in my career and I was waiting to get rid of these responsibilities by getting married and wanted to settle as a house wife.

My salary was the only income to my family except my mother’s pension. We had some amount in our bank account which was received as an exgratia of my father’s death. We saved it for my marriage expenses.

Searched for so many matches but we were unable to get a good match since we are unable to effort a good amount of dowry and we don’t have any properties and I am not very much good looking. Emotionally my mother was depressed as I was not getting married. So finally we decided to agree for any match which can be lower than my position but with good family culture. That time I was unable to tell my mother also that I am not interested to work after my marriage since that is the only source to get a match for me. Because many guys rejected me as I am not good looking. At least they will accept me by seeing my job.

Finally we fixed with a person without knowing his responsibilities. They said everyone was well settled in his family. Here I did a mistake that I didn’t express myself that I want to quit the current job after my marriage. But after my marriage I came to know that he has a lot of responsibilities, his entire family is depending on him (parents, sisters, sister’s children, brother-in-law, relatives). To get a financial support, he married me only because I am getting good salary which is 4 times higher than him.

I am always wanted to convince him and make him to understand my intention to change my profession or take some gap in my career. But he is not even listening and scolding like anything that I am lazy to do anything, telling you have to work, you have do this job any cost for your lifetime and try getting hike in your job, go to abroad and earn more..etc.

I am requesting him that I am unable to this much pressure and I want to change my profession. but he says so many people are doing this kind of job(he shows our neighbors who are at left side, right side, downstairs to our home..), you are not the only person who is handing this industry, and lot of families are having many problems, you are not the only person who has responsibilities, You will not think of quitting job or changing profession which has less salary if you feel that you are responsible for this family, This entire family is depending on you, how do you think this way, you should have told this before marriage itself..etc..etc…(may be he is right about problems in career, but how I will be responsible to his family, of course I can help by sharing his responsibilities if can. but I don’t have to feel that this is my responsibility right. Please correct me if I am wrong).

I lost my financial independence also because he forcefully took my salary account debit card and telling me to ask him the money for my expenses by explaining in detail and also he says that he only will command me what to do what not to do like his other family members (they don’t even think of anything.. whatever he says they will just follow, even his parents also insisting for money only) he is behaving like a sadist day by day.

Now I am unable to send single rupee to my mother also. He says if they need any financial help they only have to come to him and beg him for a help. I should not think about my mother and her health at all.

I am totally depressed about my life which is totally reverse of my expectations.
I am trying to move out of this depression by spending time outside with friends, going out…etc. but I am not at all liking my lifestyle. But I can’t do this for a life time right. I feel these are the temporary solutions for my problems to divert me psychologically. But I want to take a step for a permanent solution. My mother is insisting me to take divorce and my friends are telling me to take transfer and move away for some time without taking divorce and my relatives are telling me to adjust as this my fate. Could you please suggest something??