Reply To: Informing Parents about bad parenting



Hi Markiv,

It’s courageous that you’re able to talk about what is going on with you, in such clear terms. I understand what you have described. I think it would be a good idea to sit down with them and have a heart – to – heart about how you feel. There are a few things you can be careful about while having this discussion :

– Broach the subject in a non – threatening, non – hostile manner
– Before starting, tell them that what you’re going to say is not a judgement on their parenting, but merely a disclosure of your feelings and should be taken in the right spirit
– Avoid using “you” as much as possible and start your sentences with “I feel”, “I felt”, “I found it difficult…” This way you prevent the other person from going into defensive mode
– Try to be mindful of the fact that when they worked, they probably thought that this was what they needed to do best to provide for you (remember all parents follow the model of their parents and try to avoid THEIR mistakes with their own children. Maybe it was their long term plan to work as much as possible and then later spend their time with you. So it wouldn’t be a good idea to try and convince them that it was bad patenting because they thought they were doing what was best. Instead you can try and show them an objective picture of what you went through at that time, without passing any judgements. This way, you’ll be able to get everything off your chest without giving rise to any hard feelings.
– Finally, conclude the discussion by communicating what you told us – that you are their friend, you may find it difficult to express yourself in the way they want, but you’re their for them and maybe in their new phase of life, the three of you can find ways to reconnect and make up for lost time.

I wish you all the best!