U are right ma’am, comparison with the video games makes a lot of sense to me.
N i don’t like accepting stuff also, i need to work on that.
Sum days when m happy or things r going smooth like just when a day comes after several days when i feel good, minutest of the things happen n i get irritated n upset n they work as a trugger n i again start connecting things n start overthinking. It happens so quick m not able to believe its the old me only.. Like i feel some days that i wanna be like what was i 2 years back in 9th all smiling n don’t caring about the world. Now its so much that if i c sum beggars m like why is this world like this n all again.. Somedays i do feel like fighting the world like once oe twice in a month but then again something happens n feel hurt. M not able to control my emotions n feelings at all.
N of course i know i have certain responsibilities towards my parents too n that’s why i sometimes control the urge to say somwthing rude in my bmood swings, n sumtimes m not able to..
Another thing is i don’t do what i feel like, like what my heart says.. Like if i wanna go out n be happy I’ll start thinking all of a sudden no I’ll get happy n i don’t deserve to be happy n then i won’t go n then I’ll just regret n cry.. Many a times i have felt like saying thank you, or i love you to friends for their sweet gestures, even in 9th it used to happen that i wasn’t able to express myself face to face but on chat i wud n then on chat u know things don’t matter that much n r misunderstood.. So many times like example in 9th when a guy bestie when has said my father has bought a car lets go to the canteen, my treat. N i was like from the heart yaya m so happy let’s go but on the face i told him i don’t want to m not coming i don’t feel like.. I always do like that.. I wanna end doing such stuff..i don’t understand y i behave like that.. Even with family.. I also want to do what my instincts say n be happy n its not that i regret later i do such things on the moment n i regret even before doing them..