Reply To: My wife is cheating on me … need urgent help


Kabeer Rai

Adding some details to it, which might help in answering. Mine is a 23 years married relationship with two children. In the last 23 years I have never seen such a thing. So I suddenly found this hand towel of her full of lipstick amidst dirty clothes kept for washing. This was absolutely unusual. It seemed that the lipstick was removed from her lips deliberately. I was shocked. So I asked her a straight question “How did it happen”. Her answer was “this was lying in the basket of dirty clothes”. Obviously this was not an answer to my question. So I asked again and then she said “pata ni aa gaya hoga”. I was even more shocked. A woman carries a hand towel in her purse and does not know where that too much of lipstick came from. This happened in the last week of Feb this year. I got too upset and went for my work. The whole day I kept thinking about it. My heart just broke and my pain was increasing with each passing minute. Next day onwards I stopped talking to her and stopped eating food at home. In the next few days when I could not resist the pain, I told her clearly that I know every thing that you are involved with someone. After that she tried speaking with me but I said only one thing that I do not want to hear any lies. She can talk only if she wants to speak up the truth. But she did not agree. One day she came to me and said “chalo koi galti ho gayi ho to mujhe maaf kar do”. Now that I was completely a heart broken, I said “is it a mistake to be forgiven”. Then she said “itne saal apki seva ki hai, uska kuch bi ni?” And I was actually not able to accept it. In the next days, my tolerance level was getting down to earth and I was continuously saying all bad things to her. I just wanted to hear the truth and the complete story. Then one day I asked her to leave from the house and go to her parents house and give them any reason of leaving the house as per her choice, which she did not agree to it. I was so mad at her that I said that if you do not leave then I will call your parents and tell them every thing. I gave her the timeline till next Sunday evening. Sunday evening came and I asked her again to either come up with the complete story or leave the house. She still did not agree. Then I said that I am now going to tell children about it and then call her parents. Then she said “ap jaisa soch rahe ho waisa ni hai, sirf phone par baat hoti hai us se”. I was like finished. I started to walk towards children to tell them everything. She stopped me again and said “ap please sab kuch thik kar do”. I still did not stop. Then she said “dekho ye baat hum dono ke beech hi rehni chahiye”. I still did not stop and called the children and told them every thing and asked about their decision. Now that even they are not mature enough on such matters, they came up with a solution that fine, both of you separate and we will live with you for a month and with mom for a month and keep on doing it. I said this would not be the right thing to do. But even I was unable to see anything else. I actually realise it now that my mind had stopped working during those days. And this was only due to my extreme love for her and getting hurt and my pain which has gone to the unbearable limits. This was the night of Sunday, the 10th Apr. And on 12th April evening when I came back from office, I did not find her and one child at home. She left the house with the child and went to her parents house, just before our marriage anniversary on 13th Apr. My second child told me that for the time being one will stay with her and one will stay with me. I was just quite. At this time my anger started to melt down but the pain was still increasing. I told my child as to how we are going to handle the house hold now. After three days I found his washed clothes in the house and asked him about it. He said he went to mom to get his clothes washed. I was then mad at him saying that why did he not tell me. I was able to see that he did not want to stay here and was unhappy and feeling lonely. So I scolded him and sent him to stay with his mom. Now I was completely shattered. She is still at her parents house and I cry the whole day out. I know I should have handled the situation in a different way but somehow I could not. Just because I loved her too much and was extremely hurt with this. During those days before she left, my behaviour towards her was completely rude and threatening. Now I realise that I should have asked her in some other way. On 27th Apr I called her to meet as I wanted to talk about it. I was still in an abnormal state of my mind. She did not prefer to come and meet me at home and we met in the market place. She came with the child. I took her little away and asked her to tell me the whole long story in details as it was killing me every single minute of my life. But she did not tell and kept asking me that what all do I know. And we parted off without anything. Next day I wrote an email to her and expressed my love and how much I was broken. Then I called her again but she did not want to talk and disconnected the call thrice. Yesterday, again I tried speaking with her and said that whatever you want to say, I am ready to listen. Now she has started to show her dominating part. My children have already told her that on the basis of statements given by her, I could make out that there is something going on. Earlier, she had a belief that I know about it and have seen her with someone else and have something to prove. Now that she knows that there is nothing of that sort. She has started to talk with me aggressively in the last two calls. I cant understand what to do. She has cooked up some other stories around those statements and gave them to children and now my children are also against me. I know I am short tempered and did not handle the situation the way it should have been handled. But what do I do now. Even if she comes back, I would not be able to take out all this from my mind until she gives me some strong and proven reason of that lipstick coming on her hand towel. I cant stay away from her and children and feeling lost and grounded. Please someone help me on my question.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Kabeer Rai.