Reply To: sucidal thoughts, parent, culture and society



Parents divorced when I was two year old they both were having affairs from beginning. So after I was two they divorced and my father said he didn’t want me. I don’t miss my father cause I didn’t really know him but at that time my mom had a boyfriend named Suresh he was there for almost five years I called him dad they were going to get married but my grandmother refused after some time they broke up he said even if they broke up he will always be there for me. He didn’t even call me. When I was around 6-7 my was said that we should just end it she was going commit suicide with jump in lake I told her I wanted to live. After some time my father came back and said he wanted us back my grandmother and uncle send us back with him they used fight a lot the first thing in morning I used to do was to check if my mmom was breathing. It was new school, new people I didn’t like to leave my mom alone what if when I came back and she wouldn’t be home. Then after living with him for 4-5 months we came back and started living with grandmother again. My mom remarried when I was in third standard. We again left city, it was a joint family my step father was a widower with two sons. They put me in a Gujarati medium school for 1 month but after I dint understand much there so again they changed me into English medium school. We stayed there for 6months. And we returned back because my mom because they started asking for money. And after some time she got into another relationship with Muslim who was already married and had son. That guy said he would marry her and adopt me, she knew grandmother would never allow that. She asked me to start calling him dad I didn’t want to he wasn’t my dad but I couldn’t or she will tell that I didn’t want her to happy so I went along with it and only 6-7 months after that they broke up. When I was 10 year old in summer vacation she got married again and they separated before my vacation was over. We went to Rajasthan, udaipur so she could get her nursing degree I hated it there I don’t even know why I didn’t go to school regularly, didn’t study nor did I talk to anyone. I didn’t have any friends there I tried but no luck. Mom sent me back to my aunt’s house I started going to my old school again but it was horrible. My aunt and uncle used to fight all the time. My cousin didn’t like it that I stayed there no one did. My aunt always said that it was because of me my mom’s marriages didn’t work. She used bad mouth about my mom and make me do work and taunt me. I bunked school one day with my cousin, she’s two years younger than me my aunt found out she blamed me that I was going to sell my cousin. My cousin said it was my idea and they said so many vulgar things to me that I just…. I tried to drink poison but got really scared. Mom took me back to udaipur but didn’t go to school regularly and started staying alone. We were staying in a one room kitchen house with her boyfriend and didn’t want to stay with him. At night when I was trying sleep they would have sex I could here every thing. One time I asked what the noise because they both were sleeping next to me mom started shouting at me. She had two boyfriends at that time. Once she sent me to go with her boyfriend and get some dinner on a bike he sexually touched me and tried forcefully pull me towards him. When I told my mom about this she didn’t believe me. After that boyfriend she had another boyfriend named bhavesh. My mom left udaipur for him and we shifted to Ahmedabad and started living with him on my mom’s money. She was paying for rent, for groceries, for petrol and all other bills. That was when everything started mostly they would fight a lot every day he would beat her slap her, they both would threaten to commit suicide. More than once I have to get blades out of their hands my mom would lock herself in a room and try hang her self. He even slapped me once mom said she would throw him out she didn’t. They broke up just about six months ago. And after that she has already been 3 relationship. Right now she is in a relationship with a married man who 3 months ago had a daughter and right now asked my mom to have a secret marriage type relation with him and she agreed. She lied to me about it and was with him at his house all night yesterday….