RE: ethical dilemma & dippression


rahulv7711 wrote:

This is about my relationship which has been there since I was 14. Now I am 24.

I love a girl very much since I was 14. She also liked me. But our relationship has been very volatile & I had to leave her sometimes due to various reasons like studies etc.
She came to my life again around 5 years back & we have been talking since then almost continuously.

Issue start here.
I proposed here several times. But she never committed anything. I used to think that she might be doing this due to her family compulsions coz our religions are different. I am a hindu & she is a sikh. I did not force her.
We came quite close in last 5 years. & she made up her mind to marry me. But she still didnt disclose if she had the same feelings what i had for her.

Now, around 4 months back, she told me that she had started loving one of her coaching teacher around 5 years back. It was the same time she came back to my life again. Her teacher is around 20 years older than us & she says he also started loving her. & they got close to some extent, even physically.

She did all this while I was in her contact. She shares her very private things with me since the beginning. So she trusts me a lot. But she hid the most important thing from me. If she had told me this, it would had been much easier for me to leave her life. But she continued all this while we were continuously in contact. THIS PAINS ME THE MOST. She knew what I feel for her since the very beginning, yet she played with my feelings, knowingly or un-knowingly. NOW ITS KILLING ME TO EVEN NOt TALK TO HER. LEAVING HER IS A DAUNTING TASK.

I have been out of my city since last 6 years due to studies & job, while she & her teacher were in my hometown itself, so I never had the clue that it was going on.

Ever since she told me this, I had a strong feeling of betrayal but she told me that it was her past & has moved on. So I adjusted with it.

Now, around 2 months back she told me that she is still in contact with him. She want to leave him & come to me.She says that she want to marry me coz I am a very good human being & a very co-operative person. Since then my feeling of betrayal has been at peak & I dont want to live with her. NOT EVEN A BIT. Her every saying seems to me as a lie.

But the problem is, that If I stop talking to her, I am drowned in a deep depression. I start feeling as if there is a vacuum at the place where heart is situated & quite often there is pain in the chest. I am still studying for a competitive exam & due to all this low feelin, I am neither able to study nor able to live with peace. There is always a restlessness in my mind. I dont know why. I have never believed in astrology. But in the last 2 months, I have searched un-countable astrology websites to find solution to my life. All because of this hgh level of restlessness & depression.I want to talk to her.

But if I talk to her, it gives me a very strong feeling of disgust & dis-trust for her. & I feel like cutting all my contacts to her.

I dont feel I wiil ever be the same nice person to her as I was, neither I feel that I ever trust her again. I will always be suspicious of her & thats not good for our relationship. I want to move on. But its getting too much difficult at this peak time of my studies.

I want to cry, but tears dont come out. I want to say a lot of bad things to her. But it hurts me if I say anything harsh to her. All this aggravates my frustration.
I am not talking to her & I have been under almost continuous depression since then. I thought my family could help me in forgetting her & preventing me from again going to her. So I told about her to my mom. I told her that I dont want to merry that gal coz our ideas dont match. But I didnt tell her the actual reason. She has been having doubt about me & that gal since long. So, now I cant even back-track from my words to my mom.

But this depression sometiimes virtually kills me.
Its a very daunting situation.

I have explained everything as clearly as possible.
Please help me.

Its like the only girl I loved, betrayed me the most. Its not that she does not feel anything for me. She misses me a lot & wants to talk to me a lot ever since. I dont know what it is. but its more than just friendship from her side.

Hi , This girl does not deserve your love. It seems that when you had feelings for her she only thought of you as a friend. She has also taken you for granted and that’s why she has shared you all her private life with the other man even after knowing your feelings for her – so here she does not deserve you friendship also ! please forget her. YOU SHOULD GET A BETTER PERSON.