I can really understand the situation of your older kid. The fist and the foremost thing i can advice you to do is give him more time he is craving for extra love and attention. Maybe it is possible that while you were expecting your daughter you and your husband did not really make him understand about how the new member in the family will effect his life. He is feeling a lot neglected. He is not a brat he just doesnt know how to explain to you that he still exists and somehow if this continues im afraid he might just end up hating his sister. As for you i know you would get really tired juggling around but take time out for yourself a happy woman makes a happy mother. accept the changes in your life. take time out for yourself listen to relaxing music, do some meditation and whenever you feel u r loosing out because of your older ones behavior have a pause time for yourself. leave him alone and go out of that situation for 5mins. deep breathe reason and talk things out with him and im sure he will understand.