Yaar, there’s no need to thank me
I’m just glad that you read whatever I wrote and managed to reply.
I know that what you’re going through is a very difficult situation and in such circumstances, one loses the ability to focus on things and it becomes very hard to control one’s emotions.
Firstly, all of the questions that are arising in your mind about your life are normal and it’s natural to constantly try to find reasons for things like – why things happened the way they did, how could you have prevented them from happening in this manner, don’t you deserve to have a stable, healthy relationship, other peoples’ reactions to this mishap, etc. You must realize that that your reactions are perfectly normal. Any girl in the situation that you are in right now would have reacted in the same manner.
Let me be honest with you. Thinking about all of these things is completely pointless. Right now, your thoughts are controlling you and they are clouding your judgement. On the other hand, it is also very difficult to NOT think about this situation because you’re in constant pain and it becomes impossible to distract oneself. Why? Because you still haven’t accepted the fact that this has happened. The first step in solving a problem is identifying it. You must work on this first – acceptance. Accept the fact that it’s over and you must move on.
And, while you’re trying to accept it, how should you try to move on? I’ve enlisted 11 points. Read them very carefully and try to apply them in your life (if they seem appropriate to you).
1. Things don’t always go according to one’s plan in life. This is the biggest and harshest reality of life. But, one’s truest test of character is making the best with whatever you have on your plate. If you let go of yourself and continue to be depressed about it, you’re only doing further damage and harm to yourself and no one else. Get a grip. Motivate yourself to fight.
2. Realize and know the fact that you don’t need anyone’s presence in your life to be a happy individual. Never rely or depend on anyone except for your family (that too, minimally), but you must know that eventually, all the issues must be solved by you alone. You can deal with this pain alone and you’ll come out of this gracefully. Keep telling yourself this.
3. Work hard on your career/degree/anything that you’re good at. It will not only take your mind off this issue, but it will also give you a renewed sense of self confidence and satisfaction from being successful and good in your profession/studies. At first, you won’t be able to concentrate or focus properly. Take a break whenever it becomes difficult, but keep at it. Don’t give up. Keep trying.
4. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Be positive. You’ll see that as you rise out of this grief gradually, you’ll notice how much stronger this will make you and you will have an increased capacity for dealing with various issues and challenges in life.
5. Go out with friends. Buy new clothes. Dress up. Slap on some make up. Party. Go to a club with friends and dance. Smile. Laugh. Retail therapy helps sometimes. The sooner you resume falling back into your normal lifestyle, the happier and more content you’ll feel. It will take your mind off things. All girls love dressing up, wearing make up, and looking good. I’m sure you do too.
6. Don’t discuss your issues at lengths with people, especially your friends. You’ll realize in this difficult time who your true friends are, as they would try to be there for you. Some would pretend to be there for you but would only want to derive information out of you just to be able to gossip about you with others. Share minimally with family and friends, but don’t discuss your issues at lengths. It prevents one from moving on.
7. There will be times when you’ll fall back into brief periods of depression, but you must not indulge in them. Cry a little. Talk to someone who cares. But, after a few minutes or hours, just snap out of it. Force yourself out of it.
8. Exercise. Exercise causes the release of endorphins that are “feel good” hormones. I’m saying this from personal experience. Join a gym and start exercising regularly. Become a fitness freak. Not only will you start looking healthier and prettier (it makes one’s skin glow), but it will also give you a sort of a “natural high” which will make you feel better.
9. It’s next to impossible to be grateful for the things you have during this difficult time, but try to. People face much bigger issues in life. Try to appreciate the things you have that you might be taking for granted. Just to give you an example, I’ve been through 5 miscarriages (FYI – I’m only 27 years old) and the last one resulted in profuse, uncontrollable bleeding because of which they had to surgically remove my uterus. I cannot become a mother again. People have much bigger issues in life. You should thank god that he tested you in a way that you can and will manage, just like I did.
10. Have hope for a better future and pray (if you believe in God, that is). It will give you peace. One day, when you’re successful in your career or happily married to a man who cares about you and respects you for who you really are, you’ll look back at this time and actually thank God and the people who were responsible for putting you through this difficult time, because this incident will the reason for your future success in life.
11. Do something good for a poor, downtrodden person. Whenever I go through a trial or tribulation, I do something good for humanity. It gives me tremendous peace. It can be something as small as donating a small amount of money or clothes to an orphanage to something as big as trying to help fund a kid’s education at a public school.
Please don’t let yourself get bogged down in this period. Rise to the occasion. Fight. Let this difficult time push you and drive you to do well.
Take care babe,
I’ve prayed for you and I hope you’ll find this helpful.
Mehr-un-Nisa Azad Kamaluddin
*big huge from me*
sorry, i meant – *hug*