#15359

new.hope270285
Participant

I am just too confused about life … I am a 28 yr old married female (married for 2.5 yrs) with my boyfriend whom I dated for a decade before marriage .. an engg + MBA .. have a job & stable income …

Just that all the problems that I am having is from in laws end + somewhere my husband too

2.5 yrs ago when I got married to my husband his family wanted us to wait long coz my husband & his family were financially unstable – so my family got me married and they obviously just got basics like a light mangalsutra etc.. and got us married … I always knew that my husband had to pay off huge debts 10L ( 7 L his edu loan + 3 L loan from other relatives ) …

When ever I visited my in laws post marriage I always bought things and gave them lot of gifts …

Since I come from a background where I have seen high self respect I poured in all money that I received in marriage gifts – about 50K and gave it to my husband to retun to his relatives while the loan EMI was on …. After about 2 months I got to save another 50K and again handed it over so that the relatives loan could be paid (1L in total) . At that time my husbands EMI shot up from 5k to 15k and we could not afford the difference , when we asked my in-laws for help they said they weren’t in a position to spare any , so my parents cleared my husbands educational loan – On visit to a relatives place I realized that the 1 L that was supposed to be returned to a relative was never returned . that’s where the first jolt of my life came in … I fought with my husband and got it cleared that his parents had never paid the money and I asked for it back (which they returned) post which I was still in talking terms with my in-laws , though not very positive . In last festive season I went to there home and was not treated with enough respect which made me feel low – but I did not say anything to them since I always indented to be with them …

Post I got to know about that 1L , I & my husband have always been fighting over small things …. Basically leading a disrupted life …

In the mean while we saved some money and bought a tiny flat , My in-laws didn’t like and did not attend the pooja for the flat… with great effort we were making out two ends meet without asking for help from anyone and obviously – there were professional turmoils too … which are a part of life !! Yet I was in taking terms with them…

This march my father in law called and yelled at me basically telling us that we haven’t sent them any money which is supposed to be our responsibility – so we started sending them 5k per month as a reward of having a son (felt like killing myself bec of the gender I was born in ) . Post which I told my husband that I will never want to talk to them or see them , which he agreed . We led a peaceful life till the time my husband admitted that he was also involved in the 1L that was not given to the relatives – I was shocked and shattered – My parents are aware of all the incidents and have always advised me to ignore , adjust and understand (I never understood why ???) Post this my parents made me understand that he has accepted things himself so I must forgive him (Wow !!) . Had no option had to move on … so I did forgive him …

My mother in law was always working anf my father in law also got a good job in june both together make about 60k a month + 5k reward of having a son … my husbands younger sis is studying – doing law and gets in touch with us only when she needs money .But they have never asked us to stop sending them money

This festive season as decided we did not go and my mother in law called my mother and lied that they didn’t know why I wasn’t talking to them and my husband has suggested that she talks to my mom … my mom did not reply her and just told me this happened , when I told my husband and he checked with my mother in law she said it but did not say that her son asked to check tell my mom … another huge fight between us …

Later when all that settled (when we stopped talking about it) we were happy again … No one from my in-laws side felt guilty or were persuading my husband that they want to make things right … basically

Now my husband has moved to a town where many of his relatives are there and my sis-in-law is also here … though this location is much better than any other location (professionally) I am feeling scared to live here , my sis-in-law has already stayed with us for a day and my in-laws now intend to makes things ok with me … Obviously my husband also wants things to be less heated so he also supporting them …

I honestly feel scared and was expecting this coz now I am in a tow which they come regularly and my sis-in-law is also here so they would obvious want this to patch us … in all this my husbands and my fights have restarted and I yelled on my mom … she being very egoistic has said that she will have minimal communication with my in-laws and talks rudely to me …

I feel stuck – my parents have never shown that I am right and I need to stand up for my self , and now my mom has also started behaving rudely – so I have no home …
My husband intends to patch up with his family despite all injustice that was done to me and all selfishness that they have exhibited – so I don’t trust him

What do I do … I know I have chosen a wrong person … whats the way ahead … he will not divorce me …. I can run away to an unknown place and not get in touch with anyone I know or die …. But I want to live … I am so confused …