#15360

ragi
Participant

Hi,

Just like you, even my sister was facing the same issues from her husband and in-laws. She came back to our place past 6 months from now.
Until the last month, she was determined to file a divorce and get things done asap. But as time passed by, she now feels to give her husband and in-laws a second chance.

Issues in marriages are bound to happen. There has never been a married couple on this earth, who wouldn’t be having differences. Be it be a love or arranged marriage, issues crop up once you start staying together and getting know each other more practically.

Everyone deserves a second chance. I am sure you would be feeling as if things are falling too apart at your end. But if you give this thing a bit of time, you will realize that this might not be that worse as you are felling it right now. Time heals ! and Things Change ! Nothing is constant.

Even if my sister was staying alone with her husband, her mom-in-law had utmost influence in their lives which caused too much of disturbances at their end. My bro-in-law even supported his mom without caring for my sister and their 1 yr old baby. To add onto this, her father-in-law fell ill, to which my sister was blamed…which was too much for her to leave her husband’s place and come back to us.

I understand that your Mom is not supporting you. It might be that she was not fine with your idea of getting married to that guy. But now that, you are already married so you need to make a stand and place for yourself. Its very rare, where you find guys supporting their wives instead of their parents. No matter how worse their parents might be, but parents are always parents.

Keeping aside all turmoils and anguishes, You need to first understand that whether you love your husband or not? Whether you want to stay with him or not? Will you be happy getting old with him or not? If the answer is ‘Yes’ then you have your way ahead. Getting to an unknown place is not a solution rather it will increase complications. Of course your husband might get worried for you, but your in-laws would get another opportunity to blame you, complain about it to ur husband and your parents. This will again loosen the trust they have on you.

What you can do is, try to stay away from your in-laws place and any of your relatives. But do maintain phone communications with them at least in front of your husband, so that he gets assured that you don’t hate them any way. Do not ever ever complain about your in-laws to your husband. This will cause too much of disturbances in ur marital life and your husband would not listen to you either. Whatever complains griefs, you have, do not keep it to urself, definitely tell all that but to a trusted friend of yours. You will have peace of mind. Talking your heart out to a friend makes you moving forward. Regarding the finances, now stop financing your in-laws and relatives from your and your parents pocket. Let your husband do that it needs to. You have done your part and you can do more by saving on your spouse’s money. Rest as of now, don’t take the pain of deciding where the finances should go. tell your husband that you’are fine with his decisions as in where he wants to spend money but at least he should give you the household monthly expenses. If you are well qualified for a job, then as of now the best thing is to take up a job. First it would give help you in building confidence over your finance independence. Second you wouldn’t have much time to worry about all these and you might get a good friends circle away from all these tensions. Third, as you would be working outside, your relatives and in-laws can hardly meet you then in weekdays except on weeknds and on Weeknds, you can plan out some outings with your husband. Hence, handle the current situation patiently. Remember tough times do not last long. Later on you can tell about all the situations to your parents and when they see you solely handling things at your end, they will definitely support you and your later decisions.

As of now, talk to your husband about that you feel, without being in complaining mode about your in-laws. You said you have been in a relationship with him past a decade, hence in that case he knows you and will understand. In case not, then take the wagon in your hands. After all its your family and relationships. Do whatever you can to sustain it and be patient. Best wishes.