I am a married girl, (since 4 years), love marriage. I have known my husband since 9 years now (5 yrs before marriage). I had been in an affair (sexual relation) with my colleague from the time of my marriage (for 1.5 years). He was also married….
Well this is a tricky situation you’ve gotten into! There are two possibilities here the way I see it:
1. He really is innocent and is just friends with his colleague but your past guilt is making you see things that are not there. Due to this you may be reading too much between the lines and only seeing evidence all around that supports your doubt. Because you know first hand that it IS possible to have an affair with a colleague, you suspect your husband of the same.
2. He may actually be having an affair and is trying to cover it up the way you did with him. In this case he also has the leverage of using your guilt conscience to make you back off.
In either case we cannot go ahead with a plan of action until we really know the truth. Your spying and confrontations haven’t revealed anything so how about we try something new? I would suggest you have a heart-to-heart with him one day (let him know that its a totally non-threatening conversation) and tell him that you love him so much that it would break your heart if he got involved with someone else. Promise him that you would trust him and give him his space from now on but also make HIM promise that IF ever there is something between him and someone else, he wouldn’t sneak behind your back. He should come and tell you. Moreover, if ever he feels that there is something lacking in your marriage as a couple, he should feel free to share it and that you woul be willing to work on it with him.
I think this should make things a little better. I know it would be very difficult for you to keep away from his activities but trust me it would be good for you too. Find a new hobby to take your mind off it. Join a dance class or meditation/zumba or something. Doing something new would give you a new perspective in life too. At the same time, be prepared in case your husband does come up to confess something. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I would also suggest that you two explore the possibility of seeing a couples’ therapist together. Believe me it would do you a world of good. If you can tell me the city you live in, I can try and find someone good for you.
All the best for everything!
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