I am 29 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four and a half years. Both of us are qualified, well salaried, established professionals. After two years of being together we thought about marriage. However we are from different states, I am three years his senior and a diabetic (diagnosed at 24). I have disclosed all this at the outset to him. his parents have been very closed about our marriage and have never wished to make an effort. Although he says he has convinced his parents, he has never taken me to his hometown or to meet his parents saying that his parents were not willing and it would ruin everything. I don’t know anyone on his side of family. I have made him meet my parents twice.
Even now when we had a date picked up, the conversation between parents went extremely bad and his father insulted both me and my family. His reaction was very abrupt and said that even my father had hoisted insults so his father simply retaliated. The insults were relating to me and my family and very parochial in nature.
I have now decided not to go ahead with the marriage in december at least not till I see his parents and how his behaviour is before them to know what I am going into. Do you think that these are early signals and I should stick to my course of action?
I commend you on your thinking with your head and not jsut your heart in this matter. I completely agree with your course of action and you must wait till everything is sorted out before entering a marriage. Because marriage is a whole new phase in a relationship even if the couple have known each other for years. And you wouldn’t want added stress of handling family hassles while you yourself are trying to settle into a new life. I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and make him see your point. I’m sure if you can make him see that it is in the best interest of your happy future that you two wait till the families are all convicned, he will support you in your decision.
Of course we cannot expect that suddenly one fine day both families will hug each other and be the best of friends but even if they can just come to terms with accepting you as DIL and him as SIL and agree to take it from there one day at a time, I think you’ve got a pretty good start!
We wish you all the very best for a new and happy life!