Questioning and contemplating about God and universe is definitely not wrong or unrealistic. I think you are purely confused about so many things and I suggest you start with science. May be read books or if you are not comfortable with it watch scientific documentaries or speeches by eminent scientists. It’s just this momentary confusion and once you start clearing that up, you’ll find joy in the simple pleasures of nature.
If you have trouble going out and facing people, start with an evening walk. Walk around your neighbourhood, go to your nearest grocery and get that bar of chocolate or your favourite fruit of the season, go home sit and sip on a hot cup of coffee…. And just relish those moments…. You would be ready to face the world in no time….
All the best!
P.S. I too had troubles that were similar, it doesn’t go away by magic, but takes some time and sound thinking. I ended up realising that religion and God are pointless concepts brewed by the human mind and threw myself into this current effort to become a full time researcher. I’m still dealing with a lot of things like homesickness, but I believe that I can survive and do something worthwhile!