RE: Want to hurt more but dont want to die



Even, when I achieve something, I feel sad, I feel like dying. Most of the time I am busy, I am fighting still I find myself somewhere devoid of strength. I even dont get enough time to think but somewhere feeling of emptiness kills me a lot. LAst time when I was awarded by best film making award, I do remember that I tried to hurt myself. Strange.

I think these are very common suggestions I hear from everyone that get busy and get indulge, focus and work…dont think much…but they dont help you to overcome from depression. Instead of concentrating somewhere else, now I need to solve the reason for my yelling depression. I was suicidal right from the age of 12 and I was trying to focus on education, hobbies, scorings and trying to do my best in job but now I realised that I wanted myself. I was running away from myself. I was troubled, never attending marriages, birthdays, celebrations just busy in writing and writing. But, now I want to get relieved of this depression. According to me, you should never feel alone even if u r out of work for sometime. I worked for whole my life but I never earned happinesss actually. Its strange, i was never happy and never find me happy.

sorry to say but not satisfied by your answers on my thread.

I also wanted to tell the Super Moderator, PRachi that I get easily closed to people and then I detach myself. I find sex as sin and I also devoid myself of luxuries. I keep myself aloof and yes, I get angry at times but I behave very strange, as if there are two personalities existing in me. Even on fb, I operate two to three accounts and I couldnt decide the field of studies for my further education. I want to achieve everything but that is not possible in life to get every cup and mug of teas and coffees and colddrinks at the same time.

I get so close with people that they dont believe that i would be away but I get detach very easily and they astonishes on me.

I also wants to cut myself and hurt myself, whenever I get happy I feel over active in work and when I am sad, I dont work at all for many days. Alternate days, I get upset and hapy. One day, I am happy other day, I am sad.

I am a big insomniac and I also suffer from worst nightmares since from my childhood days.

I ask mam Prachi to help me out with this thing.