RE: Want to hurt more but dont want to die


Karenina wrote:
Even, when I achieve something, I feel sad, I feel like dying. Most of the time I am busy, I am fighting still I find myself somewhere devoid of strength. I even dont get enough time to think but somewhere feeling of emptiness kills me a lot. LAst time when I was awarded by best film making award, I do remember that I tried to hurt myself. Strange.

I think these are very common suggestions I hear from everyone that get busy and get indulge, focus and work…dont think much…but they dont help you to overcome from depression. Instead of concentrating somewhere else, now I need to solve the reason for my yelling depression. I was suicidal right from the age of 12 and I was trying to focus on education, hobbies, scorings and trying to do my best in job but now I realised that I wanted myself. I was running away from myself. I was troubled, never attending marriages, birthdays, celebrations just busy in writing and writing. But, now I want to get relieved of this depression. According to me, you should never feel alone even if u r out of work for sometime. I worked for whole my life but I never earned happinesss actually. Its strange, i was never happy and never find me happy.

sorry to say but not satisfied by your answers on my thread.

I also wanted to tell the Super Moderator, PRachi that I get easily closed to people and then I detach myself. I find sex as sin and I also devoid myself of luxuries. I keep myself aloof and yes, I get angry at times but I behave very strange, as if there are two personalities existing in me. Even on fb, I operate two to three accounts and I couldnt decide the field of studies for my further education. I want to achieve everything but that is not possible in life to get every cup and mug of teas and coffees and colddrinks at the same time.

I get so close with people that they dont believe that i would be away but I get detach very easily and they astonishes on me.

I also wants to cut myself and hurt myself, whenever I get happy I feel over active in work and when I am sad, I dont work at all for many days. Alternate days, I get upset and hapy. One day, I am happy other day, I am sad.

I am a big insomniac and I also suffer from worst nightmares since from my childhood days.

I ask mam Prachi to help me out with this thing.


Actually same is the case with me, I usually come closer to the people and easily go away from them and they wonder what went wrong, and why has he gone away? And I also feel sex is a sin. But what I feel is, we are lonely and we run away from our loneliness, sometimes we feel we need someone and sometimes we feel we are happy staying alone. Actually we should make friendship with our loneliness because deep inside our heart we want loneliness only. We can’t be like other people we are different, though we want to behave like them but can’t because that’s not what we are. One day happiness and one day sad this is what our life is about. If we accept this loneliness then everything will be fine. Because that’s what we are or I should say that’s what I am. I do get closer to people easily and whenever I miss my loneliness I go away from them. Because I like what I have been living it is just that I want to live like other people but I am different I like my loneliness, and you feel this is abnormal and that’s why you hurt yourself but the truth is that’s just who you are don’t run away from it. Accept it, I have accepted it and stopped hurting myself. :)