I want to share some of my strange phsychological problems so that I can get some solution of those problems.
I was born with genetic disorder as my parents are blood related with each other. I was born in 8th month with abnormality in my body. I will not behave normally as a ordinary boy behaves. I use to cry before going to school. I will not play out door sports when my all friends will play in grounds. Upto my 7th class, I grew somewhat normally. As I entered into my 7th class, suddenly I got phsychological disorder and I will not get sleep entire night. I did not slept for more than 10 days and will get thoughts like – why I am born like this, why all are watching me strangely. And I will cry entire night and my parents admitted me in a mental hospital. Due to over dosage of my medicines, my hands will be shivering and I will sleep in day time also in my school. In my 9th class, suddenly I got fits in my sleep. My grand father knew medical treatment and he gave some treatment in that night. I check up my brain and as per reports, my brain blood was clotted in some area. I used EPTOIN tablet some days and got some relief from my frequent head ache. Then upto my inter first year, I behaved some what normally.
I never talked with girls and I will be very reserved with boys also. In my inter second year, one of my girl named sravani (school mate) talked with me in a bus stand when I was waiting for my college bus. She also joined in my residential college for inter second year. She called me vijay very sweetly and I was attracted by her behavior as first time a girl called my name. I don’t know how she knows my name and why she is interested to talk with me though I am not very attractive regarding my behavior. Another girl named soundarya will join in my tuition wherever I joined in my school days. I joined in my inter first year, she joined in same college. I joined another college in my inter second year, she joined in same college. I joined Btech EEE, she joined same EEE by studying long term coaching. In my inter second year, sravani and soundarya both were friends and sravani will try to ineract with me asking some books. Soundarya is reserved type. Then I start to attract with sravani who talks with me. One day, normally she asked one book, and suddenly I changed my face somewhat irritatingly and gave that book. After that, she never talked with me and I don’t know why I behaved like that. I always thinking that I could not able to make nice conservation with sravani who is my first love.
I finished my Btech and struggled as unemployee for 4 years ideally as I have no friends, no senior guidance. I always thinking about sravani that – why I could not able to make atleast friendship with her. Currently I am facing inferior complex as I have so many diseases. I was attracted by another oriya girl named swarupa in my office who will have same smile and eyes of Sravani. Everybody in my office will look strangely as I will be very reserved, strange body language, will not mingle with each other, will get sweat in ac room. I will behave strangely while swarupa passing from me. I will be tensed, my heartbeat will increased, I will behave as I should not see her and forcedly I will divert myself. I want to make only friendship with her to get some relief from my loneliness.She had her woodbee working in my same office. I send a SMS to her to check her office mail and I clearly mentioned that it will not be a love letter. She asked to send that mail and I explained about my love story with Sravani in that mail and requested to make friendship with me and also mentioned as she had same smile and same eyes of sravani. She replied as I believe on you and I chatted with her through SMS for 15 minutes very friendly. On the same day night around 8:00 pm, she send sms as she saw me at the bus stop. At that time i am in office and again chatted with friendly for 10 minutes. I never talked with her personally and i talked through phone for office work only. She will smile while i am watching her. Suddenly after 3 days, i send sms to her as good morning at 8:30 am. no reply. after that, on independence day, i have leave and she is in office. i send sms as Happy independence day. she replied as “who r u. come in front of me”. i got doubt something wrong had happened. i send sms as i am vijay babu, anything wrong. no reply. everything is ok? no reply.on 16th august 2012, i saw guilty feeling in her eyes “some sorry saying feeling”. after that i never saw her face or never tried to observe her. unfortunately i already officially terminated by manager as i told frankly about my HCL interview and 18th august 2012, i relieved from my office. i observed others that they are in feeling that i proposed swarupa and she rejected me. but i did not tell any body about my mail and sms chatting. i dont know what happened with her and why she avoided me after sending sms so friendly. now i decided not to send sms to her and not to disturb her. i cant imagine a girl in the place of my first love sravani. i just want to make friendship with swarupa as she had same smile and same eyes of sravani.
I will always disturbed with the imperfections of others and I will not talk with others who will hirt me. I feel so lonely as nobody cares me and no one loves me due to my abnormal behavior. Sometimes I will get thoughts that why I born like this – so many complications, so many diseases, so many agonies.
Still I am using those prescribed medicines and I will not get sleep if I don’t use those tablets.
I need your advice regarding my phsycological disorders, regarding my medicines, regarding my feelings.
Please reply me as I need your valuable suggestions.
Currently i am using OLAP 5mg in night and VITAWIN in afternoon.
Mobile number : 9791074112
Email : [email protected]