I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for almost six years now. My boyfriend is very devoted an loving, though he is not much of a romantic, how I hoped my partner would be. The problem is, I keep cheating on him again and again. I am not able to control myself doing it behind his back. I tell myself that its okay to enjoy life the way I want to, before marriage, but the guilt comes to me in retrospect. I am not able to confront him with all this, but I feel I am being unfair to him. He has planned our future together, and wants to marry me as soon as possible. We’ve had our share of ups and downs in our relationship, but we have managed to work to work through them. I even tried breaking up with him, not knowing whether it was the guilt that provoked me to, or the underlying problems in our relationship, but I was unable to.
Don’t know whether I am right or wrong, but I have come to perceive myself as polygamous by nature. What else could be the reason for my behavior?
I have tried looking for answers everywhere, i have confided in my closest friends regarding this. Everyone tells me that what I am doing is wrong and I should stop or break up with my boyfriend. I am not able to do either.
That been said,it could interest you to know that I am a very idealist person. I am hardworking, sincere and strong minded, otherwise. This is so deviant of my usual behavior. But I seem to be okay with it. Is there something wrong with me? Please help.