#15135

Anonymous
Participant

Hi Prachi,
Mine was an arranged marriage, I have been married for 1.4 years. Before marriage I have never been in any relationship , but my husband was in one relation about which he told me before marriage also he told me that it was all over between them so I got married to him. But we are having a lot of issues and now I am not able to cope with it. We always keep on fighting, it is very depressing and it is affecting my health also.
It all actually started after 4th months into our wedding, I just happen to use his phone when I saw messages that my husband had sent to a girl (something like “Hey Baby” , “Want to see u”). Also i saw a lot of calls being made to her throughout the day and at late nights (11.30 – 12.00). At the same time he use to rarely message or call me. After a long time of keeping quiet I confronnted him, he gave me crap like she’s just a friend and he talks to all his friends like that. I said I dont believe him and if he will not tell me the truth I will tell our parents about it.
Thats when he told me that she was his ex girlfriend and she was going through a rough phase so he was helping her out. That female works in the same office as him. After that he promised to not talk to her ever again and work towards building the trust again.

But after that incident i found that he acted as if he had done nothing wrong, he started finding faults in me always. He didnt like the way i dressed, my hair, shoes i wear. (basically he started critizing everything) I got so fed up with all this coz he was the one who was supposed to work at building up the broken trust instead he was starting a new chapter all over again. We didnt have anything to talk among us (4th months we got married) no messages, no sweet love declaration nothing.
During the 5th month he told me that he does not like or love me. For him to love or like he needs to be attracted to them and apparently he was not attracted to me. He told me he didnt like the way I dressed, and it seems i am fat. He has a good built according to him and to match up to him i also have to have a good body. I should start maintaining a good body, wear good fitting clothes (feminine salwar kameez) , wear heels as i am short etc etc. After i do all those changes then only he can get attacted to me and love me. Otherwise he cannot think anything else in future.
I had asked hm if appearance mattered to him so much why didnt he consider it at the time of marriage , then also I was same (so called fat!!) he ruined my life. What will he do after pregnance then when i get fatter … (It seems that is a difference issue al together according to him)
So with that opinion of his for me i left for a work opportunity i got for 7 months. He himself told me to go as it would be a good exposure. I am not sure what he did here at that time. But he didnt call me at all after that.
After coming back i told him i am thinking of separating coz of the opinion he had. Thats when he said no, lets make this marraige work. So again against my better judgement i stayed(toomany ppl to consider his parents , mine and relatives). Again he started acting as if he has not done anything wrong , started finding faults in me.. never ever said he likes me, no messages no calls.

I am a person who dreams about mills and boon like stories who wants her husband to love her and tell her the same. So now my life is such a disaster , I dont know what to do!!! Please help me. We dont have anything to talk coz i cant forget whatever he had done in the past. Also he never spends time with me. Whenever we ar at home and whole family is sitting together for meals he will get up and go and eat in his room and sit on his laptop (He is always on his laptop, once i tried checking based on the browsing history what he was seeing) I found that he was always watching porn sites (Not sure if the guys of age 30 still see it– this also hurt me a lot). I dont see my life partner in him anymore..what should i do.. what about society n all..

Thanks in advance for all ur advice!!!