#15207

alfalfa
Participant

Dear Prachiji,
First of all, I would like to thank you for providing such a service and with anonymity. Your effort is truly appreciated.

I will state my problem as best as I can:
I am a 34 y.o single male working in IT. My issue is that I seem incapable of having normal communication from my side with the ladies. The best I can do is reply to their queries! I am not sure why.
This is causing me major problems in terms of relationships. I have never been in a relationship because even when girls show interest in me, I am unable to respond positively, let alone show initiative from my side.

I do not seem to have any other personality deficits. I think I am intelligent, fairly good looking and with a good sense of humor. I might be lacking a bit in self-confidence though from time to time, but mostly in this matter that I am sharing.
Also, though I am trying to get married by arranged marriage, I have not been lucky yet. So it has been zilch on the relationships side.

This is an issue for me because I am now feeling absolutely lonely and maybe even depressed. I have contemplated suicide numerous times, but I have decided to hang on for the sake of my parents as of now. My family is not too emotionally responsive or supportive and do not seem to perceive my emotional needs as a human being. (I don’t think one can change that.)
Though I do take a vacation for a change of air from time to time to keep my mind occupied, I need some permanent solution to help me enter into a happy relationship.
Any help from your side would be appreciated. Let me know if you need any other details from my side.

Thanks again.



Akriti Chauhan wrote:
I am facing a very serious problem and need urgent counselling. Please help.
We were good frnds in collg since 1.5 yrs and we have been dating since 1 month. Belong 2 same profession ,both r dentists.
I am about to complete my internship in 2 months.
He has just opened a clinic here,1 month ago,he’s not yet settled and has a stressful financial background.
We have decided to marry each other, and are totally committed for each other.

We get along very well, n hav a very good bonding.We have so much in common and an amazing relationship.I love him so much..
Both of us had first decided to convince our parents for our marriage after my internship gets over. But my family is against it, due to his financial problem, non-settlement, and many other personal issues.

But over the time I have started having trouble with him, due to his die-hard over possessiveness for me. He has started to pressurize me a lot, to get eloped and marry him right now. He fails to listen anything,and warns me that he will commit suicide ,and blackmails me if I don’t do accordingly.
3 days back, without my consent, he forcibly took me to the Shani temple, there I was forced to give my consent for marriage and signatures on the marriage papers and certificate. I was devastated but had no choice but to follow what he said. All the rituals were carried out. I could do nothing. I begged him to at least listen to me once. Now that the ritualistic marriage procedure is over, he now wants to get the registration done immediately. Our advocate has got all the documents ready.registration is almost completed. my boyfriend has given me a notice of 2 days time, and is forcing me to sign the affidavit and court stamp papers. Once its done, our marriage would be declared legal and then I would be left with nothing to do. He has told me to leave my home and start living with him the moment our marriage gets registered.

Ma’am I m in a very very panic situation. I cant do this..I have an elder sister,her marriage is fixed,it will be hamper her marriage and will also harm the reputation of our family in the society.
He has also opened the matter in his family, who have warned him that they wont accept us in their home.
Sir how can I handle him? I really really care for him a lot ,but I just want him to be settled and give me some time so that I can convince my parents, at least once we r done with my sisters marriage.It will hardly take 6 months more.What should I do? I love him sooo much and fear to lose him if I don’t do according to his wishes..


Ma’m i had posted a query some half an hour back on this website..mam pls try to attend my post as soon as possible, as i need to take a decision immediately..within 2 days..I am left with no time to think

Akriti,
Sorry to know about your condition.
I personally feel you need to take some more time to resolve this matter between the two of you. You are both committed to each other…so why is your bf rushing to get married…?

If you really feel that he is as possessive about you, then I think he will not leave you, EVER!
Of course, he can blackmail you for you agree to the marriage by saying he will leave you. But if he truly loves you, he won’t.

Both parties need to feel equally comfortable about getting married. There is absolutely no need to rush in these matters.
DO NOT SIGN ANY PAPERS, OFFICIAL OR OTHERWISE UNTIL YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY READY.