#15218

Pratiksha
Participant

Sir/Madam,
Name – Pratiksha (not real name)
Email – [email protected]
Age – 20
Gender – female
Profession – Student
Duration of problem – 3 months and 1 day

Brief description of problem:
I’m not able to live. I’m not eating, sleeping or studying. I’ve been trying to improve but touching books or food or sleeping feels useless. Like my future is absolutely useless. I want to do good but I’m able to find a reason to do good. People tell me to live for myself, for my parents (I have no friends). But myself feels so lonely. And living for parents is what I’m trying. But I can see they don’t need me to live.
I’m told I’m anti-social. People in general dislike me. That might be because I don’t talk very much and when I do it’s rude truth which nobody likes.
I read novels, watch movies and day dream to pass time. I like living in fantasies, which was not so chronic 3 months ago.
I have trust issues. I don’t trust anyone. Not relatives or parents, not even myself. I don’t do anything without reason and sometimes can’t do even some reasonable things.
I used to be a very good, popular student in school. Things have been going downhill since after school i.e. past 2 years and 8 months.
I have attempted suicide many times. I don’t like to keep a count on the number of times. I find it disgusting and selfish. I have refrained from attempting so again by telling myself that God would put me in prison.
However, my self-harming tendencies continue. I like feeling pain. It reminds me that I’m alive.
I’ve never been asked out or proposed to. I asked out one boy so, I had one boyfriend for 2 years and he broke up with me for many reasons – I get very rude and dangerous when angry, I’m very possessive, I have very abnormal thoughts on life, I don’t do any make up (not even brushing my hairs), etc.
I still write to my ex-boyfriend obsessively but I don’t love him anymore. I write to him because I’m scared to open up to anyone else.
My physical outlook is average. My study skills, singing or dancing skills, drawing skills, playing instrument skills, sport skills are all average. I have allergic rhinitis, so I have a handkerchief under my nose throughout the year. Most people find it disgusting.
I want to do well in life but I don’t know how. “Please help me to concentrate on my books.” Rest I can take care of.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Pratiksha.