This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  kathyaini 4 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #13274

    lizu87
    Participant

    I am engaged to a guy, with whom i was in a loving and helathy relationship, for the last 3 years. We will be getting married in the next 2 months.

    About 5 months back, he had to go another country, for work. With different time zones, different working hours and other hassles of a long distance relationship, our interactions reduced greatly.

    In the meantime, i joined a new organization, where i got in touch with new people. Among them was one,i gelled with instantly.We became friends instantly. From skype chats to messages to late night telephone calls to outings.. it all happened in a matter of a few days. we became best friends and were connected 24*7.He stayed over at my place some times; and i did the same.. but we never had sex.He wanted to marry me, proposed a few times.

    But i didn’t know what i wanted.

    On one side i wanted to be with my fiance, who cares for me a lot, who gives me my comfort zone.On the other side, there was this other guy, who understands me, without me having to tell him anything; who would do anything to make me smile.
    Then i also had to consider that there are families involved.

    So i never gave him a clear response.

    My fiance came back for a week,and found out everything. He was angry and furious, but eventually, decided to give me a second chance. Though, he threatens me of telling everything to everybody, spoiling my name in public etc. He says even prostitues have more self respect than i do, and he will always regret marrying me.He says had i died the moment i was born, everybody would have been happy.

    I tried talking to my parents, but they emotionally blackmail me to stay in the given setup and get married as per schedule.

    I have decided to go ahead and marry my fiance, but often find myself thinking of the other guy.it is very hard to resist myself from calling him, and often give in to my temptations. He is very supportive, always telling me that he is there no matter what my decision is, he misses me and wants to be with me but at the same time asking me to take a firm decision.

    i know its all my fault… i messed up my life, and their’s as well… but i don’t know if i have made the right decision now. i dont want to regret it later. pls suggest.

    #15243

    kathyaini
    Participant

    Hi
    I am sorry that you are in a delicate situation. Please do not get married to an abusive man, he is abusing you before the marriage and calling you names. I understand families are involved and how Indian parents go crazy, about the society and culture.. but you may have to consider what will give you peace of mind in the long run either happiness of your families, future husband and society or your welfare and happiness. Try to convince your parents and maybe take a stand. Good luck.

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