August 9, 2013 at 11:05 am #13433
I have been married to an engineer 2 months ago. I live with my in laws. They are extreeeeeeeeeeeeeemly orthodox with double standard rules as per their conveniences as and when required.
My MIL is from a village background and illiterate.
My FIL is a retired govt. employee and hearing impaired.
I assessed that they have had no much intimacy between them in their 30 yrs of marriage as my FIL is highly spiritual and doing his pooja-paat most hours in a day.This has impacted my MIL emotionally and hence she has turned into a very violent person targeting every family member to vent her daily frustrations.
The family has got used to her. But for me the atmosphere at home has become very hostile.
My MILs main objective is to “mend my ways” and “teach me how to live”…as she has told to my parents on the day of my wedding!!!
Now this is the objective of most mother in laws. BUT to take all crap at age of 26 and being treated as a young naive bride who knows nothing…this is really hard…
I have been in hostel for most part of my life and have been living independently for 10yrs now.
SADDEST PART IS I am a doctor by profession!!!!
Ironically my specialization is stress management!! :exclamation: and I am also doing my phd…!!!!
But Doctors are humans as well…they get stressed too!!
This made me find an online counselling site to get counselled!!!
It has become a very miserable situation as my mother in law dosnt care for the fact that I am a professional and am old enough to take my own decisions and make a living. I respect all the 20yrs+ experience she has had in life more than me. But compromise has to come from both sides to live peace fully.
My studies, and my work are getting affected with all the frustrations and blaming for each and everything at home.
Simplest fact that I go to parlor for grooming myself or the way I arrange sarees in my wardrobe or the direction of bed in my room!!!!!!!!!! ..
+ on the health front she being highly diabetic I feel the doc in me coming to rescue each time she gulps down cola or sweets!!! She justifies saying she is anyway on medication/or she will diet the next day!!!
I feel very helpless and agitated… I tried to view her as my patient and deal issues professionally…dosnt work…I try to respect her as a elder and be obliged…still dosnt work…
My husband donst want to give her an impression that he is taking my side. So he stays out of all the arguments between me and his mother.
I feel I want to run away and continue maintaining a distant cordial relationship. But then the society facto,r as pointed out by my highly educated maternal family, will itself become an added on stress.
I myself am in need of counseling to try and stay calm amidst all the naggings and cribbing and cheap abusive illiterate lingo I get to hear at home.
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