This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Prachi Prachi 2 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #17994
    Profile photo of
    Anonymous

    I am a male, 27 years. I was sexually molested in my childhood. And it has a big and bad impact on me. I am never able to feel sexually about anyone. I get excited when i see or read action of sex but for a person i am unable to feel sexual excitement.
    Recently, at the age of 24 i got involved in sex. I wasn’t sure about that if i can do this or not.so i tried myself. I did it for the first time. And after that i felt guilty about it.
    It has happened few more times but i was not able to involve in it actively and also i felt the same way as i felt in my childhood everytime. I felt that I am being used, though my partner has not had the slightest idea of it because I didn’t want her to know. I didn’t want to make her feel guilty too. But i didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore and it took me 3 years to finally convince her that i don’t want this relationship. She is now saying that I am a cheat and have used her.
    It is making me guilty again. Have I cheated on her? Is this normal for a person who have been abused in childhood? Any case study or reference there will help?
    I am now thinking of marrying her because of my guilt but I know it will be wrong for both of us.
    Help.

    #17998
    Profile photo of aashish_sarma
    aashish_sarma
    Participant

    Hi,
    I know exactly how it feels. I have been through the same terrible, haunting state. I still wake up with jitters in the middle of the night. In the last few months, things have worsened. I feel scared to be with anyone. I have an instable career and a myriad of insecurity inside. They kill me each and every second.
    I am 22 and half and my life lays ahead like a desert before me. I couldn’t make friends and even I did, they hardly stayed. I have a mother for whom life’s complications are far beyond understanding. I have been under psychiatric therapy since quite some time now, but sometimes I doubt about their usefulness. How far will they take me?
    Life is complicated. Life is a challenge. It’s not so easy to give up everything and live in a shell for the rest of your life. I wish I could, but I know I somehow have to live. I can’t die even if I want to. I live in a city where I hardly know anyone. But I have learnt to accept everything.
    Just remember one thing, IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. Accept it and let it go. Think of ways in which you can change your life. Think deep. Take your time. There is no hurry. Let life take its own course. Always know that past is unchangeable and the future is uncontrollable. It’s quite obvious to develop hate for yourself when you have been through something like that. I still do. I can’t look at the mirror for long. I tried and still try to torture myself for being responsible for everything but then I realize that it’s pointless. The loss is mine. So take your time. Reflect on yourself and then think of someone who deserves to be with you.

    #17999
    Profile photo of
    Anonymous

    Hii Ashish,
    Thank you for the reply… Yeah I have been through that phase..but I think you have not read my whole problem. Right now its something. Please if you can read and reply accordingly. I appreciate your time and help.
    Thank you

    #18004
    Profile photo of Prachi
    Prachi
    Moderator

    Dear Child,

    Childhood sexual abuse is one of the worst kinds of trauma that can be inflicted on a person. And it is not surprising that your attitudes towards sexual relationships have become full of apprehension and doubts. Trauma not only leaves lasting emotional scars, but also brings abour actual physiological changes in the brain pathways that are responsible for the way you experience life in the present. I agree with Ashish above that it wasn’t your fault. But at the same time, being a therapist I also know its easier said than done.

    The problem you are facing right now, for that, at the outset I would suggest that never make the decision of marriage out of guilt. You are feeling guilty because of her words and her perception about you, but she is reacting in this way because she is not completely aware of what you have gone through. It’s a matter of mis-communciation and misunderstanding and guilt should not factor in.You have complete right over your feelings. If you find that you are not ready for a relationship and cannot out your heart in it yet then you are not be made to feel guilty about it. I agree that it took you time to come to this decision and in the meantime your partner must have invested herself emotionally in this relationship too and that’s why she is hurt. But I would suggest that you open yourself up to her and explain why is it that you can’t go on, because it would really be unfair to hold her in a relationship forever half-heartedly. It’s better to end it now than get into a marriage and turn things bitter. You could also take the help of a relationship counselor to get this done.

    Also, for you, I would love to help you process through the past trauma and guide you through recovery if you would like to take my help. Feel free to get in touch with me on [email protected] if you want to discuss the possibility of long term therapy.

    I also want to take this chance to say a special thanks to Ashish for taking the time to come forward and share his experience. I know how difficult it can be but Ashish you too were brave enough to do it and we at HopeNetowrk.in really appreciate it!If you too would like some help in the recovery from the past trauma, feel free to get in touch with me.

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