This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of lindsey_sooze lindsey_sooze 2 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #13786
    Profile photo of shyema
    shyema
    Participant

    I am into the 17th year of my marriage, I have held on to the marriage in spite of many physical and mental harassements from my inlaws and husband because i belong to a very orthodox family and have two sons. I am quite a matured person but still cannot understand why my husband does not love me? instead in front of me he showers all his affection on his mother and sisters. I have not seen any sign of love in his eyes nor an enquiry into my health or whether i had taken my lunch…or any other most general questions in these years.He just kind of ignores me. He feels it is an act of show to enquire about ones own wife
    I too do my very best in providing financially for the house as I have a job.But there is no consideration. My husband takes alchohol on a regular basis, only at night.Tere has been physical harrasement from my husbands and inlaws in the past. I do live with with my mother in law, who once had mentally harassed me to the core.Now due to her old age she has just calmed down. I am better educated that my husband, and for this reason also I hear abuses. Other than my family, I have not disclosed this to any one. I am 40 years now, so I really dont know whether to put up with the show, go for a family counselling or anything else. I have cried enough in life. Its embarrasing that in this stage of life I am asking for a solution to my problem. But honestly please help me. I am not an outward person, so all the problem sinks down within me itself. My kids have also have been living with this trauma.But he behaves better to the kids.

    #15512
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    First of all I feel sorry for you. Entire happening of your life are now impacting you. So first of all be calm. As you said your husband is more in-client towards his mother and sisters, so if you also become disturb then who will take care of your kids.

    It is not clear that why your husband and in-laws mentally and physically harassed you? Why you have not strongly protest all this? It is tendency of people that if other person become soft then they try to take advantage of this.Stop tolerate abuses. Strongly reply him that it is not good for educated people.Be strong.

    It is some man nature that they cannot express their love and caring as women do. It does not mean that they don’t love you. So as he said it may be one of the case. You should talk to him and express all your feelings to him. Don’t be aggressive with him but calmly tell him your feelings.

    Please provide more details. It will help to understand your problem. It is an open platform. Express your feelings here. This forum is like a family where we can discuss our problems.

    #15513
    Profile photo of shyema
    shyema
    Participant
    lindsey_sooze wrote:
    First of all I feel sorry for you. Entire happening of your life are now impacting you. So first of all be calm. As you said your husband is more in-client towards his mother and sisters, so if you also become disturb then who will take care of your kids.

    It is not clear that why your husband and in-laws mentally and physically harassed you? Why you have not strongly protest all this? It is tendency of people that if other person become soft then they try to take advantage of this.Stop tolerate abuses. Strongly reply him that it is not good for educated people.Be strong.

    It is some man nature that they cannot express their love and caring as women do. It does not mean that they don’t love you. So as he said it may be one of the case. You should talk to him and express all your feelings to him. Don’t be aggressive with him but calmly tell him your feelings.

    Please provide more details. It will help to understand your problem. It is an open platform. Express your feelings here. This forum is like a family where we can discuss our problems.

    Thanks for your interest in my case. MY doubts are that in the 17 years of marriage i wasnt asked such simple questions as ,how are you? did you have your meals? These are questions you ask any tom, dick or harry on the streets?From After about 2 years after marriage we havent lived together for more than 3 days at a stretch. Always he has work outside the hometown where he cannot return after work. As for telling my feelings, I have said many times but he doesnt seem to understand. These days when he comes home and expresses over attention to my Mother in law and sort of ignores me, I get aggrevated and try to vent my fustration by shouting for small things, and which in turn acts as a bonus for him to showcase in front of children, saying see your mother shouting for nothing? I kind of feel he has been always trying to aggregate my feelings. How do I handle the situation? Help me. What additional information do u need? I am ready to give as I need a solution.
    Once again thanks.

    #15515
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Yes. I want to know more. I am not able to understand few things.
    1) Reason of beating and mentally torture you.
    2) Why he act with you like your enemy? As you mentioned that whenever you shout on small things he showcases that in front of your children. As a husband why he do this? You are his wife not an enemy.
    3) As per your thoughts Why your in-laws and your husband behave bad with you? Any specific reason which you can think?

    As a neutral person I just want to think about all perspective.

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