Bad Childhood memories and it still continues.

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    I have bad childhood memories of mom pushing me away when i went to hug her after school but she would hug my brother,she would tell me that i stink i should go have a bath and come back , when i did she would still push me away,she would mock me for not doing well in school and not having as many friends as my brother ,I was not doing well in school, my dad beating me up 5 times a week every week till i was 18yrs old my letters being opned,room lock being removed and everyone in the family (grandparents) picking on me as i was the weakest .it was horrible.I have dyslexia and could’nt play any was not doing well in those days dad would come call me to his room to talk and wait for me to make a mistake and use it to beat me.many times he let my brother watch. he would ask me what i want to become when i grew up and then ridicule me for not doing well in school abuse me say i was useless piece of shit while hitting me hard .he never scolded brother in my presense.preferance was given to my brother he was a good sutdent had many friends.parents never bought me anything not even for my birthday told me they could not afford it.i wore hand me down cloths all my life,brother got whatever he wanted whenever when we got the 1st pc it went in his room,new music system his room i was made to be his butler.switching off lights and fans in his room carrying ironed cloths to him and cleaning up after him ,anything that went wrong was blamed on day at 18 yrs of age dad told me to go brush my teeth and sleep by 10pm (after beating me up) I had a lot of acidity and i came out of my room after 10pm for medicine,he saw my and hit me and i hit him back.As kids we were told to brush teeth and sleep by 10,my brother is just 2 yrs older to me he was given all the freedom in the world to come back home and go out anytime he wanted,the rules only applied to me .I was then taken to phychiatrist and phychologist and treated for depression in this period of time i was sucidal. Every year when my birthday comes up i go into depression these memories come back i find myself shallow breathing /angry.I have also noticed that whenever i get angry these memmories come back I lack confdence and find myself hessitating to make decissions .I.and somehow i cant get over this i need help.The partial teatment between me and my brother remains till today.we both married, his wife wakes up after 11am does nothing in the house while my wife wake up at 5am .brother does nothing in office ,they both go out every night while i’m doing all the work in office and my wife at home.its as if i have been born to be my brothers servant and breadearner as well. have been married for 13 years now, once when my wife and i had a fight she went to my mother to complain my mother has been interfearing in my married life and did it on this instant too ,as a result i got angry at her because of all this commotion dad came out of his room and i brified him that mom was messing up my marriage.i really dont know what to do , we have a joint family and joint business.

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