April 18, 2016 at 5:40 pm #19526
This is going to be one long post, please bear with it. Pardon me for the horrendous writing as I’m highly unstable write now.
I’m a 23 y/o guy from the South who has been in a relationship with a 24 y/o girl from the North (born in the north and moved to my city during childhood) for three years.
I’ve been on the receiving end of her occasional psychotic outbursts from the second month which have become more frequent and worser over the three years.
We usually talk everyday over the phone and meet a couple of time in a month. The phone is her means of torturing me.
To talk about us in brief, I’m a laid back guy who doesn’t like to get temperamental or even overtly romantic. On the flip side, I’m over possessive and don’t like her being cosy with other guys. Coming to her, she has frequent mood swings. She can be completely normal rite now and get furious about some random thing the next minute. Whether it some little issue at her home or workplace or about me, she goes ballistic on me over the phone.
I’ve tried to retaliate when she went ballistic on me for no fault of mine but that only made her even more furious. I started taking it silently for the past three years just because I had the hope that she would change and mature. Things have only gotten worser
Coming to the second part of the story, my Parents are orthodox and not even a little bit open-minded. But trust me, they are the best parents one can ask for. I’m the only child and we can call ourselves a middle-class family. To tell a little bit about them, we are actually from a coastal town and moved to the capital city of the state around eight years ago just for the sake of my education by selling all of the assets in the town. They have always given me the best and sacrificed a lot of things during the process. Since we are not exactly in a good financial state, I consider it my responsibility to study well and get a decent job and take care of them.
Like I mentioned before, they are very orthodox. For example, I’m 23 and coming back home even after 10 in the night is a big no. I readily oblige with their rules as I understand where they are coming from and they are only imposing those rules because they care for me. Yes, I do drink, party, etc but have carefully hid the same form them. They are happy with me as I am well behaved and study well. Given how orthodox they are, they don’t expect me to have a gf. They never expressly said that but knowing them for the past 23 years, I just know. However I’ve heard them telling others that they are OK with me choosing whom I want to marry later on.
On top of that, I’m sure they will have apprehensions about her being from the north. So it’s only obvious that I’ve hid the fact that I had a gf for the past three years. My intentions were to introduce her to them once I was well set in my career. At least then, they would accept her. I’ve told this to her at the beginning of the relationship itself and she was completely cool with it. On the other hand, her parents are chilled out and I’ve met them a couple of times.
Coming back to the main story, I’ve earlier mentioned that I gave up retaliating and just took her rage silently. Over the past three years, it has become frequent and yet I don’t have choice. She never lets me even ask why she’s even shouting. The minute I raise my voice, she threatens to show up at my house and tell my parents that I ‘used’ her. Yes, we got physically intimate over the three years, but only because both of us consented to it and were in love with each other. Both it really hurts me when she blackmails me. Not only does she abuse me during her episodes but even my parents. The moment I revert, she starts blackmailing again.
Of late, she even started threatening to kill herself if I said anything back to her whenever she decided to fight.
Just today, we spoke in the morning and everything seemed to be all right. My phone got switched off for some reason and it wouldn’t switch on. When I casually checked my email in the afternoon, I’ve seen a ton of texts on Hangout abusing me. I’ve asked her not to do this one day before my internals. She started screaming and said that she left her house and is in a hotel and that she is committing suicide and even wrote a note saying I am the whole reason for this. My heart just stopped beating for a second and she started abusing my parents again. She then switched off her phone without even telling me why she was fighting in the first place when I have done literally nothing whatsoever. I kept calling her phone around fifty times getting insanely hyper. She called me after sometime, abused and switched off again. I later found out the reason for all this. She apparently went out in her car (old Maruti 800) and walked for a while (300 metres) before collapsing due to the heat (I doubt that). She then called her Dad and demanded for a new car which he obviously refused and she started screaming at him. She apparently tried calling me twice after that and my phone was switched off. That was the reason she threatened to kill herself and name me in the letter.
I’ve been feeling utterly helpless as I’ve been tortured enough for three years and I’m just not able to take it anymore. I can’t even breakup with her as I’m scared she would come to my Parents. I’ve been a depressed soul of late and even my Studies have been affected for the past couple of years. I’ve been increasingly contemplating about taking the ultimate way out.April 25, 2016 at 2:25 pm #19554
hi taran, i have gone through ur post and i really beleive that ur gf needs counselling regarding her temperament.well here this is not an issue right now. i would really suggest u to sit and let ur parents know about this. i know they will be hurt intially but over the time period things will be normal for u. Secondly, u also need to discuss all this with ur gf’s parents that how she abuse u n importantly threatens u which is the reason of my concern in ur story. After this very patiently u tell ur gf that u really had enough of it n need to end this. She might threaten u all over again and shout on u, u plz be calm for safer side u can also record the conversation.Stick to ur decision coz loving a wrong person will only leads u to devastation. Think about ur parents and set them as ur priority. Sorry for getting lil personal but if u have an intimate chats with her than those prove that u havent used her.USE THESE AS PROVES ONLY IF NEEDED. No body in the world has right to abuse parents and if she is doing this u shouldnt be tolerating this. U can also talk to her regarding all this with threatening her lil but that will not lead to solve ur problem completely.
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