October 27, 2013 at 9:31 am #13496
This is Ajit here. I am very much thankful for providing this site to express our feelings. Even expressing this to someone is giving ray of hope.
I am Ajit, 30 yrs old married, well setlled guy with one daughter. From childhood I saw myself as a different boy. I was too introvert, I never had very close friends. My father was very strict and angry person. We use to fear abt him in everything. He is very good person and caring but things were not normal. I am not sure but may because of these things I developed insecurity about myself and lead to attraction towards guys. Sometimes I found I was attracted to gals aslo. I was totally confused and later on came to know due to internet that this is called as sexual orientation problem .
I had one experience with my neighbour guy and this thing became very strong after that. I was so much depressed during my young days and even used to think abt suicide those days. But things improved when I went to college. I started behaving like other guys and acted st8 but still had confusion abt myself. But even after lot of stress things go well and I got married and I think I am able to satisfy my women.
But still I am addicted to internet chatting. I think my 1st preferred orientation is gusy. Whenever I got chance I could not resists myself logging to chat site. I actually dont want to do any cyber sex and i think something in me want is looking for a like minded friend but you hardly get such people on internet and i end up doing things even i dont actually interested in for pleasing others.
I really really want to give up this but I almost find myself helpless here when the opp comes or is it natural to do so due my orientaion problem. I am totally confused and do in depression for longer time when i do this. I really really want to give this up as now all things are in place and i m married happily.
The main problem is this is affecting my spiritual life and when i do acts like this i feel i dont have any right to follow spirituality and i must give up either of the things and I am not able to leave both. I am very much depressed due to this.
Could please understand my situation and guide me.November 10, 2013 at 11:41 am #15341
hey your message is long.
We can chat on FB if you want
TCDecember 18, 2013 at 7:48 am #15353
* Disconnect your home internet connection (if you had).
* In office, just do only your office work.
* Engage yourself in any games. also try to go for gym
* Spend time with your family
*Involve yourself in chanting spiritual slogas both morning and evening.
* By doing above, you can come out of your addiction.
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