cant defeat my fear in telling my father about my love

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    i m 31 year age working lady, my family is hindu, father a businessman, very egoist person, gets very angry if we do not listen to him, but also very soft at heart, friendly,caring, im the only child of my parents. im so afraid in facing my father in telling about the person i love. my mother is not helping here. my father ask me why i m rejected all marriage proposal, why im saying no to marriage, he is concern about my future. he donot hate muslim, but my mother said he will never accept this relationship, i asked her what is their problem, when i have no problem accepting him, he is a liberal minded person, non religion minded like me. we have studied together, he is very soft gentle person, loves me lot, never forces me to do anything, he never want me to change my religion, he even said clearly to his family the same, we both believe in modernity, progress in life , he both student of science and believer of humanity, he never lies to me, he will going to wait for me for his entire life. he comes from a middle class family, father a retired govt service person, their family too very liberal mind, accepted me from heart,not a rich family, they never cross their son’s decision, because they believe their son never take wrong decision.
    my childhood was not good, a victim of sexual assault, but i didnt knew what happened with me, so never complained anyone, so my parents didnt knew about it, as i grew old, i remembered my past so vividly i broke mentally, when i said my mother all about my past, they suggested i must forget it, but it is easy to say, as i never could forget, i fear the touch of men, only i can allow mentally the person i love to hold my hand or more or else by thinking of anyone whom i donot approve mentally coming close to me make me sick, i have thought of committing suicide a lot of times, i started fear men, though i am not a weak person,i fell in love with a friend of mine but he betrayed me after 10 years, after that again i have broken down, i was mentally crippled , i started gaining weight, i got sick, depressed , doctors asked me the problem i could not expressed said a lie that it is study pressure, bcs my mother was there, im not at all free in front of my parents. my love (the person i want to marry now) knows about my past,he is my very good friend, he has given me ultimate support mentally. he has given me the confidence to do something of my own. (im doing my business, financially supported by my father though), he has given me life,happiness, may be not a lot money, he though work in big company earns well, he also a hardworking man, im happy, but inspite of telling my mother that im happy , i will be happy with him, she does not want to listen, n help me tell my father, only bcs my love belongs to muslim religion, im breaking again, i want my parents blessing in this marriage, if they donot come forward and accept us.. i cant marry him, it will only break me, n break to such extend i will die.. i could not write all my dark depressed sad side, but i have released im mentally sick. i m fighting since my childhood, repeatedly im hurt. i cannot bear anymore. please help.

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