Confused

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    vighanesh shirke
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    Hi
    My self Vighanesh I am 24 year old it has been 2 years some confusion has raised in my mind. I am now at final year of graduation in economics however when I was in high school the strong wish of changing world or else I can say that I wish that I could dedicate my entire life to my nation and mankind and contribute in development of future of nation and mankind. However the way on which I want to go is tough there will be many hurdles in my way I am ready to cross all hurdle to achieve my goal frankly speaking I can’t resist any kind of illegal activities around me if it is against national interest and mankind I had worked with many MSME but where I had worked I had found some kind of black market and when such thing happen I am unable to resist this so I leave such firms it s happening with me continuously it means I am never been able to work with single firm.for.more then 4 months as soon as I found such things in my job location I had resigned immediately but dur to this now I am facing unemployment since I am not able to resist such things around me I explain my reason to leave my jobs to my family but no one ready to understand about it my mother said that you just avoid such things and just look at your self let world or other do what they want to so you just do deen with your salary nothing else. I had tried this methods lot but don’t know why my inner voice make me uncomfortable if I try to avoid such activities I belong to lower middle class my mom is housemaid and my dad is labour as per my condition money should be my first priority but when I try to become selfish and just try to think of myself immediately my inner voice make me uncomfortable I can’t explain this to anyone because I don’t have too many friends I had tried lot to explain my mental status to my friends and family but no one understand it. If I start working for by self and try to be conservative towards my financial and family goals after few days I start feeling uncomfortable. Then I get confused what to choose between my family or my responsibilities towards Nation and mankind because if I choose my family I can’t dedicate my life to my nation and mankind and if I choose nation then I can’t carry on with my parents dreams because I want to fight against many social evils so I have to choose between one of them either family or nation please please help me as soon as possible it’s urgent some time I feel like sucide to finish my life so there would be no confusion but then again my inner voice says me no you can’t do that that’s not you have made for . Please please help me with this issue .

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