November 1, 2013 at 12:15 pm #13501
First of all thanks a tonne for starting a website like this, where we can get much needed psychological help. I have pretty long story to tell you, before you could analyse my problem and give me a solution to overcome it.
I am 30 year old unmarried man, doing Good in my Software development business, and have a doting family of Mother , Father and Brother. In past i have been in 2 relationships, which have not lasted for more than 3 months, because i never felt that i could continue the relationship and i could never see love there.
Very Recently , 5 months ago, I met a Girl on facebook, who seem to attract me with her very intellectual behaviour and i started talking to her and during those chats, i could sense something troubling her. When i enquired about the same, she said that she is not happy with current relationship and said that her fiancee is not behaving properly with her.
I tried to console her and tell her that, we need to make sacrifices to keep a relationship going and she said, she has no inclination left in her to keep it going. She said, that they have been engaged for 3 years now and everytime her parents talk to his parents about their marriage, they keep lingering it on and the boys parents always said that this relationship will not work and they will be divorced.
The Girl (Meenu) had been in a relationship for 10 years with the person, out of which 1.5 years she had near death accident and she could overcome it, Meenu then told me that, they even had physical relation with boy not once but many times and even had abortion.
She has told me everything about her, related to her parents, her affair with boy and everything, and listening to everything, i adviced her that, if this relationship you think, is not succeeding , then you should MOVE ON and not hurt yourself anymore. By this time, she started finding solace in me and we get along well and started chating all day.
One fine day, she confessed that she has fallen in love with me and i said that it just after effect of the broken relationship and you should not think about it now, and i told her that , our over proxmity to each other is the root cause and we should not chat atleast for 24 hours.
Which we indeed did, and i found it very tough to not chat with her and i called her on mobile and asked her about her well being.
In the meanwhile, there was a marriage proposal for me, and my father asked me about it and i said, OK, but the moment i said OK, something striked me and i became sad out of nothing and constantly had Meenu in my thoughts, i started remembering her talks, i re read her chats for hours and realised that this is the person who is meant for me and i realised that I really love her.
I immediately called her, asked her if she is OK and told her everything about me, right from my finances, to my relationships, and then finally confessed to her That i Love you and i want to marry you and she said, she also loves me.
At this point of time, her engagement was not officially called off, and she was still engaged, i asked her to talk to her parents about us and maturely end this relationship and she said, she would and which she did, she told her father that her previous relationship is not working and they should end it, but her dad asked her to buy time.
In the meanwhile, we met each other, we were together, held our hands, and eventually ended up kissing each other her, I swear, there was not an iota of lust in it and it was all so pure and pious that nothing seemed to be wrong, and we met for 6 times. Then she went to her place and i went to my place. But we continued our relationship on calls, on Video Conferencing, we shared all secerts about us and it was perfect relationship, everything was fine, till 2 days back, the BOY visited her place and the first thing he said to her was that ” He is not there to salvage the relationship” and blah blah, casted aspersions on her character but cried, and told Meenu that she has spoiled his life, his mother always told him that this Girl is not good, also said, he had better options than her and he would have been happy with them,
His tears sort of jolted Meenu, though she was firm on her decision, but since she had a soft corner for him, she was in state of shock and started cursing herself, and feeling guilty that she could not salvage the relationship, i tried to console her, but she also felt guilty that she still feels love for him, and i said, its OK, how can you forget any person you loved for so long, you will always have some love for him, she said to me, Vicky i really love you, but at this point of time, i cannot trust you, she said to me, that i really want to marry you, but i will not blackmail my parents to get us married like she did in her earlier relationship.
She was also feeling guilty that, her parents were always averse to their marriage and her father had categorically told her this boy is just playing with you and you can never be happy with him and said despite of this , i fought whole world, to get engaged to him.
Now, i asked her, Meenu, what do you want from me, and she said, Vicky just be my best friend and i need your shoulders to cry on, i need you by my side, it will take time for me, i just need time, and i told her, that i can wait all my life for you and i will do anything to make her happy, even if it means getting her back to that relationship, but i also told her, that that relation is not worth pursuing, it will end up in more heart breaks, trauma, which she also agreed to.
Since she lives in Dehradun and her fmaily is Jammu, i asked her to go to Jammu for few days and be there with her family, i would have very well told her that i will come and stay with her, but at this point i thought, that would not be correct for her and her family.
My problem starts now : –
She has confessed her love atleast 100 times in 2 days, and assured me that if she gets married, she would marry me only and she only needs time , but i could feel my heart sinking, i had this big pain in my heart, that i have not slept for 2 days, i just want to talk to her and keep on tlaking but i know, that at this moment she needs some space, i also know, that she has been very honest and is still being very honest, i also know that i love her deeply, but only problem here is , WHY THE HELL AM I NOT HAPPY, when she said, she would marry me only, and she says she loves me, why cant it be the same it was 2 days ago.
As i write she is travelling, she was in bus for 3 hours and we talked for about 2 hours and in those 2 hours, she confessed her love for me many times, she is constantly updating me where she is, she is fine, and what she is doing, even now when i am writing you , she gave me a call to ask me if i am OK and she has reached haridwar etc.
But there is some stupid sinking feeling in me, i am suddenly feeling insecure about losing her, which my brain tells is not correct, i am not understanding this situation, Please help me out.
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