August 17, 2014 at 8:29 pm #13805
I am a 26 year old girl working in the corporate sector and kind of satisfied with the work I have been doing. I am a little feminist, who believes in equality of women and takes huge proud in the kind of professional and financial independence and confidence I have earned.
On the personal front, I always face this battle of self assessment which has made my life miserable. Ever since my childhood, I have never been too expressive about what I feel for anyone, so all the friends I ever had, I was always on the receiving end giving solutions to their life crisis problems. Because of my ability to always help my friends with a practical solution to their problems, I was always regarded as being rational and practical (which I loved also because it made me feel independent). Basically, while there were never any secrets to keep but I was never able to confide in anyone, I was never able to trust people fully (that also comes from the over protective parents who always taught me to be very careful of people since they don’t leave a slightest opportunity to cheat you)
Now that I have grown up, I feel this constant desire to have someone who knows me all but the problem is that neither the people around me nor me myself are habitual of seeing me like that. Again I have tried to trust people and gave a piece of myself to them only to get cheated (or at least I look at it as cheating when suddenly people decide to not talk to you, and my self assessing mind cooks up 1000 stories around it. As a person I remain unable to go up to someone and ask what’s wrong. Hence the uncertainty, hence the cooked up stories of my mind which take my peace away)
All this I feel like sharing but I have no one and that has made me very cruel to myself and the people around me.
I have started telling myself that may be I need to start loving myself and everything will fall in place, but it is like an everyday battle I face trying to convince myself to not feel sad and depressed.
I am not sure if I have been able to do justice to my problem penning it down here. But please help. I am losing all my sanity. Please help. Thanks.
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