This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  clinical psychologist 4 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #13234

    lucy
    Participant

    Hi prachi!

    I am going through some weird kind of situation. The first thing I would like to tell you is I feel I have lost the “ME” thing in me. I feel that I have lost trust in everybody around me including my parents, my best friends, myself and even God too. I feel terrible about this. I try to just take off every kind of negativity I have in my mind but there is some kind of fear in my mind. I would like to tell you how I was and how I have become now. You will understand it better.

    First of all, before, I was a competitive and an ambitious girl. I have completed my graduation. Until graduation, I used to think about myself this way. That I have to be among the toppers anyway. I would work hard to do that and could make a note about everybody around me especially the toppers. I would help people who were below average and would seek help from who were more intelligent than me. I used to pretend that I had not studied enough for my examination(I did not lie! even I felt so). But I would always get outstanding marks and I would then thank everybody around me who helped me. I used to be very proud of myself. I would work more harder. But at that time, I did not have anything called “best friends”. I used to consider everybody as a competitor during my exams be it friends or anybody. Later when the exams were over I used to enjoy with my friends. Out of those, I had one friend who used to taunt me saying that I always scored more than everyone even when I lied that I did not study. I used to consider her as one of my close friends. I did not quite like what she said, but I forgave her.

    Later in my last year, I met 2 beautiful people. Beautiful by heart, by mind, by soul. I was so happy that I had got 2 best friends. We did everything together. I really used to speak my dreams out to them. They used to be happy about it. I started revealing my secrets and my emotional side to them(until then I was full tomboy type!). I started revealing the strategy of how I study, how I understand things, how much I enjoy studying. They seemed to like it. Whenever I developed something new, I used to show them, and they used to admire. Little did I know that these people might be feeling slightly jealous. I never thought that way because I had received God on earth. These people were just awesome.

    Gradually, my contact increased, I started revealing more and more about myself to them. And one day I was an open book to them. They knew me from head to toe and inside out. They could make out when I would laugh, when I felt sad..everything(They are intelligent – outstanding students!!!) I then started feeling like I was being controlled. I helped one of them out so much that that person managed to top the college and I was left back. Even during the exams I would leave my studies and help that person. We celebrated a lot. Then that person left for higher studies. I started feeling lonely. My other friend too got a job and I was left behind completely alone.

    I then started being in contact with them. But both of them seemed to be in mixed emotions and they were pretty busy too. I felt like I was interfering with their business. Still they tried to contact me. I am in touch. But few major setbacks happened.

    1) I started feeling guilty that I had revealed everything to them – reason, when I started behaving the same way as before like showing something new I made, they seemed a bit jealous.
    2) I had plans for higher studies too. But an year later. I had seen my friend through difficult times. And after all the efforts my friend did, i was readily gifted the whole work to use for myself. Now I feel bad to use it as it was being done after a lot of effort.
    3) I have a competitive mind. I don’t care about friends during the exam. But suddenly I have lost that competitive nature and I feel that my friend will feel bad if I put efforts and get more marks than my friend (It reminds me of the incident I’ve presented above.) I feel I might lose my friend because of this.
    4) I feel competition is the soul of the exam and I seem to have lost it.
    5) I cannot live by myself. I want to be independent and make some distance from these friends atleast emotionally as I am emotionally too weak.

    Please help me get back my self esteem, trust and how do I concentrate on my goals.
    Thanks a lot!
    I very much wish to love myself back again! caring more about me and less about people around me. Because in the end, it is MY LIFE.

    :):):)

    #15108

    Prachi
    Participant
    lucy wrote:
    Hi prachi!

    I am going through some weird kind of situation. The first thing I would like to tell you is I feel I have lost the “ME” thing in me. I feel that I have lost trust in everybody around me including my parents, my best friends, myself and even God too. I feel terrible about this. I try to just take off every kind of negativity I have in my mind but there is some kind of fear in my mind…

    Dear lucy,
    From what I understand through your message, your entire problem is focused around competitiveness. It appears to me as if your’re weighing your entire life in terms of competition/no competition – even your relationships. But relationships are so much more than competition. But we can work on that later. Right now you mentioned that your exams are near and you feel you have lost that competitive edge. For this I would like to bring to your notice the last line you wrote “care more about me and less about others”. If that’s true what do you care what everyone else is doing? Why don’t you just do your best in preparation and go ahead with your exams? Competitiveness isn’t the only thing you need to succeed. What you need is diligence and hard work and perseverance – all of these qualities you already possess! So put aside the other worries for now and concentrate on your prep. All the best!

    #15167
    lucy wrote:
    Hi prachi!

    I am going through some weird kind of situation. The first thing I would like to tell you is I feel I have lost the “ME” thing in me. I feel that I have lost trust in everybody around me including my parents, my best friends, myself and even God too. I feel terrible about this. I try to just take off every kind of negativity I have in my mind but there is some kind of fear in my mind. I would like to tell you how I was and how I have become now. You will understand it better.

    First of all, before, I was a competitive and an ambitious girl. I have completed my graduation. Until graduation, I used to think about myself this way. That I have to be among the toppers anyway. I would work hard to do that and could make a note about everybody around me especially the toppers. I would help people who were below average and would seek help from who were more intelligent than me. I used to pretend that I had not studied enough for my examination(I did not lie! even I felt so). But I would always get outstanding marks and I would then thank everybody around me who helped me. I used to be very proud of myself. I would work more harder. But at that time, I did not have anything called “best friends”. I used to consider everybody as a competitor during my exams be it friends or anybody. Later when the exams were over I used to enjoy with my friends. Out of those, I had one friend who used to taunt me saying that I always scored more than everyone even when I lied that I did not study. I used to consider her as one of my close friends. I did not quite like what she said, but I forgave her.

    Later in my last year, I met 2 beautiful people. Beautiful by heart, by mind, by soul. I was so happy that I had got 2 best friends. We did everything together. I really used to speak my dreams out to them. They used to be happy about it. I started revealing my secrets and my emotional side to them(until then I was full tomboy type!). I started revealing the strategy of how I study, how I understand things, how much I enjoy studying. They seemed to like it. Whenever I developed something new, I used to show them, and they used to admire. Little did I know that these people might be feeling slightly jealous. I never thought that way because I had received God on earth. These people were just awesome.

    Gradually, my contact increased, I started revealing more and more about myself to them. And one day I was an open book to them. They knew me from head to toe and inside out. They could make out when I would laugh, when I felt sad..everything(They are intelligent – outstanding students!!!) I then started feeling like I was being controlled. I helped one of them out so much that that person managed to top the college and I was left back. Even during the exams I would leave my studies and help that person. We celebrated a lot. Then that person left for higher studies. I started feeling lonely. My other friend too got a job and I was left behind completely alone.

    I then started being in contact with them. But both of them seemed to be in mixed emotions and they were pretty busy too. I felt like I was interfering with their business. Still they tried to contact me. I am in touch. But few major setbacks happened.

    1) I started feeling guilty that I had revealed everything to them – reason, when I started behaving the same way as before like showing something new I made, they seemed a bit jealous.
    2) I had plans for higher studies too. But an year later. I had seen my friend through difficult times. And after all the efforts my friend did, i was readily gifted the whole work to use for myself. Now I feel bad to use it as it was being done after a lot of effort.
    3) I have a competitive mind. I don’t care about friends during the exam. But suddenly I have lost that competitive nature and I feel that my friend will feel bad if I put efforts and get more marks than my friend (It reminds me of the incident I’ve presented above.) I feel I might lose my friend because of this.
    4) I feel competition is the soul of the exam and I seem to have lost it.
    5) I cannot live by myself. I want to be independent and make some distance from these friends atleast emotionally as I am emotionally too weak.

    Please help me get back my self esteem, trust and how do I concentrate on my goals.
    Thanks a lot!
    I very much wish to love myself back again! caring more about me and less about people around me. Because in the end, it is MY LIFE.

    :):):)

    Hey lucy

    I have read regarding your problems. Well lets focus one at a time as your exams are approaching you want regain back your self confidence. With that i would like to ask do u write diary or keep journals..if not then you can start keeping one and start mixing with more people which would help u regain back ur lost confidence. Try on these techiniques then can start working on your other problems.
    Hopefully you will work on it and i look forward to hearing from you about your progress.

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