This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of zulfia zulfia 2 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #14875
    Profile photo of Reena Kalra
    Reena Kalra
    Participant

    I don’t know what to do? Last week I overheard my husband talking on phone, actually he was talking to someone and I called him up. He took my call but forgot to end it and continued his conversation which I overheard. Whatever I could gather from it he was talking to some lady the day after the Valentine’s day that he was upset and could not sleep last night and that if she is with him she will be safe. he also said “you cannot do this much for me and you expect me to take a big step?”
    I spoke to my husband and he simply negated it saying he was talking to someone about someone else’s affair.

    But I am still not certain and checked his mobile phone for messages and calls. when he got to know about it he was furious and told me not to touch the phone at all. I want to believe him but something stops me from doing that and I am in distress. What to do?:huh:

    #15818

    Swarup
    Participant

    Hi simply don’t get any doubt on your husband, have some time and calmly get the details of ur husband such as where he will go, at what time he calls and how many hours he will speak in the phone. I’m not telling ur husband had affair but i’m telling u to clarify ur doubt.


    Hi simply don’t get any doubt on your husband, have some time and calmly get the details of ur husband such as where he will go, at what time he calls and how many hours he will speak in the phone. I’m not telling ur husband had affair but i’m telling u to clarify ur doubt.

    #15874
    Profile photo of Reena Kalra
    Reena Kalra
    Participant

    Swroop, today not more 28 days after the first incident I again caught him talking to a lady on phone expressing his love. On being questioned he said he admits his mistake, I shud give him a second chance and yhat he cares for his famiky n me which is his first priority. I askef him to talk to the lady in front of me and tell her that he eds the affair which he refused.
    I am confusef as we are married for twenty years and have two teenage dons.

    #17564
    Profile photo of Prachi
    Prachi
    Moderator

    Dear Reena,

    I can totally imagine the agony you must have felt when you found out. When one finds that their partner has been cheating, ones whole world turns upside down. It seems to me that your husband is going through some kind of midlife crisis where after 20 years of being married and two adolescent sons, he’s craving the excitement of a new relationship. This actually happens with a lot of men, believe it or not. It makes them feel young, powerful and wanted. You may also notice certain changes in his dressing style, taking more care with his appearance etc.

    Although I would like more information before I can come to a conclusion but what I can tell you from experience as a therapist is that more often than not if you’re calm and even behave as if the whole thing is like a joke to you, these new urges die down after sometime because the younger women he seeks won’t respond to him the way he wants. On the other hand if you quarrel or cry for him it may strengthen his feelings that home us boring and he needs excitement. Just be cool for sometime and watch. If you see him talking to some woman, say “oh is it my competition again? Tell her I said hi!” with a nice big smile. See how he reacts! I would love to hear back from you and see how it’s going. If possible please do let me know here or on [email protected]. All the best!

    #17568
    Profile photo of zulfia
    zulfia
    Participant

    Hi Reena,

    It is indeed very disheartening to find this out. However , at the moment do not take any serious step , since for your husband it is just a temporary phase where he is just looking for some difference in his life.

    He clearly is attached to his family and you. Do not fight or argue with him or make things unpleasant for him , instead just do things which is different from your normal or usual routine , …like start making his favourite dishes at home everyday , or plan a trip together , You get yourself a different hair style , make an effort to look very nice everyday when he comes back from office , laugh a lot and make him laugh a lot too , watch movies or matches or whatever he likes together , invite his friends over for lunch or dinner or his family members and show warmth and care. Remember , you are his WIFE his family..he can probably talk to anyone but end of the day you are someone he will never want to lose.

    A Wise Physician said, “The best medicine for Humans is LOVE.” Someone asked, “If it doesn’t work?” He smiled and answered, “ Increase the dose.”

    All the best !

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