This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  veentherapy 4 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #13276

    daisy_dew
    Participant

    Hi

    I have been married since 5 years now. We have been knowing each other before marriage for about 6 years. In my entire courtship with my man, before and after marriage, it was always me who have tried to understand his problems, adjust as per his conditions and problems and his attitude, lied for him to my parents, changed myself for him, live with this parents for him, accepted his (wierd) family for him, been with his mom for him(when he is not around), i have totally changed myself and although i am not the way i am today, have changed and simply accepted everything about him his family the way his family culture is absolutely everything.
    I did complained many a times about not being comfortable , but at the end of the day I let it go and just adjust because we just couldnt find a solution of staying separate living his parents alone. So again, i HAVE to live with it.

    Before marriage, I was out of country for about few months on an official trip, and once i was back we were supposed to tie the knot in couple of months. Just a month before our marriage, i learn that this man has been secretly having affair with a married lady in his own society. And when i questioned he committed it was a mistake and to please let it go and leave everything behind. I thought over it, and i let it go that time. (I guess it was my first biggest mistake)
    We got married a month later, and i thought our dreams have finally come true. But just after a month i casually check his phone to learn again there is some lady his ex-colleague whom he is pleading to not stop tlaking to him (WTF) i was devastated with this. I ran to my moms place after reading it. This man comes there and takes me back home ( My second mistake) We talked it over, and he made me again believe that he will not do so.
    This all happened just after my marriage, and i dint want to disappoint so many people from our families, so i gave another chance to our marriage.
    we have a 3 year old daughter now.
    After 4 years, I again started sensing that somethings wrong, i could sense it when my husband used to lie saying i am going with out with a just a friend(no-name) being online for hours in the night.
    luckily i had the ex-colleagues females number noted down last time – so i dont know why but out of the blue moon first thing is i checked her online status – and i got so much of synchronization in the online timings of both of them. I was SHOCKED.
    All these years these two has been always connected. The worst, i am sure my husband told me that he is going outing with his friends, but i know it wasnt his friends but that BITCH.

    After realizing what has been happening, what the f****** hell my husband has been doing all this while always cheating on me. I am simply LOST.
    I jsut dont know how to react what to do where to go how to live.
    i have got a 3 yr daughter, i can take drastic steps here. my father is sick and bedridden, i dont want to give them a sense of I being in this complete mess. this marriage was my choice, my dream.
    But i think i went completely wrong in my decisions.
    To top it all – my husband does not have any regrets and has so much of attitude and ego – as if its my mistake of getting into finding all the truth.

    i want someone to please guide me – tell me what to do??????????how do i handle this…i am sick n tired of making this marriage a success all alone by myself.

    #15232

    veentherapy
    Participant

    Hi daisy.
    I know how devastating this is to you.
    But the solution to all lies in you. Its not just one persons responsibility to hold on a relation over years. You should make him realize that once you marry, the entire thread of hope lies in trust and loyalty.
    He has broken it and gone behind your back. Your husband is just keeping you just to save his face and he doesn’t wants to be insulted in front of everyone.
    You say you knew the mistakes what you have done but living with only builds the guilt inside you. Confront him, give him a ultimatum,either you or her. The only reason he is continuously doing so is that he believes you are weak. Stand up and question against him.
    You can lead your own life.
    Just take a leap of faith.
    What will happen will happen and what needs to be done will be done.
    Wish you nothing but good luck.
    Keep smiling,
    your friend veentherapy.

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