This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  clinical psychologist 4 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #13241

    lisaparker
    Participant

    I am 23yr old girl, student of CA final (Chartered Accountancy) belonging to a middle class family (but want to achieve great heights in life).
    Till age of 22yrs my life revolved around my parents and i have set high standards for my 2 younger sisters, like in religious matter, studies etc. my parents were very proud of me and my success. I don’t have much of male frnds (as my parents don’t like it), only 3 male frnds I have. And my parents know every thing about them.

    But I think I made a mistake, mistake of falling in love with one of my male frnd (he was my best frnd too). I tried to end this relationship as there is no future of it (we belong to different religion and mine and his parents will never approve of It.) but my love for him makes me weak every time. Without him I can’t imagine my life. So he asked me to live in present enjoy it and make beautiful memories instead of thinking of future. With this we continued our relationship.

    But all of a sudden my parents start behaving very strangely they start spying me and ended my privacy completely, moreover start scolding my frndz both male and female and asked me never to talk with any male. They start saying horrible things about my male frndz like they will make your mms then blackmail you, destroy you, etc etc. Cut down my contacts and took away my mobile phone (at present I have no frndz, very little contact with my bf).
    When I asked reason they said we are doing this so you can concentrate on studies.

    I was under stress due to my CA final exams and relationship (I am in LDR), this behavior change in my parents leads to more depression and frustration.
    My mom emotionally blackmail me. And start suspecting me of having sex and relationship.
    All this made me feel that my love is cheap and illegal as I am a criminal. Even I become scare of my bf.

    All this is destroying my future my dreams…

    Only one person makes me happy is my bf when I am with him I have every thing, courage to fight with any problem. But at present he is also not with me and I can’t even meet him.

    Don’t know what to do. I don’t want to loose him and don’t want to hurt my parents.
    I feel like I am in a cage I want to go away, some where I can breathe freely, have my own life.

    Plz help me…

    #15182

    veentherapy
    Participant

    for how long are you in this relationship? and you self pity yourself.
    If something is wrong,then stand against it.
    You know the problem is when we self pity ourselves, we tend to buid guilt in overselves.
    It shows you are soft hearted girl and respect your parents. But its your life and you have to decide whats good and not. If something goes wrong,then you only have to take care.
    learn to toughen up.
    You say your parents doubt you over it..
    Here one best suggestion..
    Take deep breath,just ignore and act very casually as if nothing happened.
    take whatever they say from your one year and leave it thru another.
    Just concentrate on your studies.
    Without proper planning you will suffer. Take things one at a time.
    You know when you start earning then automatically your parents stop. Its basically that you parents worry about you alot and this worry has somewhat turned into hatred towards you. So take things slowly,analyse and act.
    I am not a psychiatrist but just felt like giving up my thought.. :)

    #15183

    Hey lisa,

    Veentherapy is right. Our parents are so over protective that there act sometimes makes us feel that we are in cage. But the truth behind they love us and care about us. Today they just want you to stand up on your feet and have fantabulous career. To be in relationshio with guy is good right but all these things are secondary what most important is your career rest of the things comes later. To be honest why being in a relationship when it doesn’t have a future.

    Ask yourself one thing if u cant leave him right now, would you be able to leave him in future??
    Secondly, what the priority in your life right now is, your career or relationship??

    You said that u get happiness and solace being with your bf and you cant live without him. The question u ask urself now is what os more important to you n which relation you cant live without -a relationship of parent daughter, which has brought u up or relationship of few months or years who’ll also not be with you in future as well.

    Just answer these questions to yourself and i dont need your answr to it.. j6st tel me what you felt aftr you answrd d questions

    Lisa we shouldn’t give any person that much imprtance that wether they are in life or are not in our life shud affect us and people around us. I know we all need love but it doesn’t come with conditions,not even the condition of present and future.

    The relationship which lasts forever is parent child relationship. I amnot forcing you to think this way, u have your opinion but try and take a stand instead of building up inside you just let it out.

    There is no soultion to any problem. The solution is always with you just need to find the way of reaching towards it,

    If you have problems regarding the behaviour of your parents do talk to them one to one and pour your heart out to them m sure that they will understand you.

    Hope to see the positive reply from you soon.

    All the best,

    Regards
    Sonali Sardana
    Clinical Psychologist

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