feel like to suicide

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    hello sir,

    I am a person who cant/coudnt find the meaning of life till now. I am 23 , jobless, dont have much friends , no girl friend ( obviusly). i was born in a below middle class family in a village. i spent my childhood watching my parents fight each other and i have seen my mother often tried to do suicide. that was something i couldnt tolerate and made me mentally weak. later i hv seen my mother having affair with some others . and she used to shout at me whenever i question her. She used to tell me that i will never become succesful in my life. Still i studied harder and harder and became topper in my district in 10th board exam. My teachers had very high expectations from me. I couldnt do well in 12th exam coz i had problems with my mother and i couldnt concentrate in my studies. later i took admission in an engineering college by taking loan from a bank and then got placed in an MNC as software engg. I couldnt adjust with the situation there coz i was totally new to a city and i never stayed away from home. i ahd to leave the job becoz i couldnt perform well. i dint want to fail. i took a loan again again and did another course which ensures a job. Now theres a waiting period of 6 months to get into the job. and i have nothing to do. i want to support my family financially at the same time i hate them too. often i felt like im a burden for others at home. i fell like I am a complete waste. people in my college call me extra talented. I am a topper in studies, i sing, dance, write..i do all these stuffs. But still I am not happy..Since i am used to this sad mode. I always want to find some probs.. i think think and think a lot and make myself unhappy..often i felt like to suicide and i may do it sometimes..i doubt the existence of God. I used to blame God for not doing any favour to me..can i overcome this? i want to be a good man. a good human being..i want to be happy..can u help me to become that?

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