This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Swarup 2 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #14996

    srugupta
    Participant

    Dear all,

    The reason I am writing this is to understand where I should learn to handle situations more effectively and not get very annoyed. I am from a country in ASIA and married a person who is also asian. I met him in The Netherlands where I went to study. He and his family (mom,dad,bro) live in The NL too. I found work in NL and been living here with him. In their culture its normal for the daughter in law to live in the same house as his family but for a lot of reasons I have never been comfortable with that idea and made it very clear to him from the start of our relationship. One main reason is I dont speak the same language as him. While I put a hell lot of effort to eventually speak/understand his language, he has never done anything much to learn mine. And in their house everything is always in the language I am not fluent with. Second reason is their house is very small and cramped with one toilet. But we live only 10 min away from them and make it a point to visit them atleast once a week . Sometimes when he has an extra day off/working from home he visits them too.

    My in-laws are very nice people and are caring. But I also find them extremely incapable of thinking on their own or doing things effectively. They don’t have a decent job and their business crashed 4 years ago but they are still struggling and cannot make any decision on how to start. They have a social circle but they go around for parties and giving people advice on how THEY could do better. My brother in law is extremely insecure and something about him is crazily abnormal. but he is a very sweet guy too. Sometimes, things my in laws tell freak me out a lot as to how someone can be so immature/dumb. I cannot prevent myself from telling every little thing to my husband. While he agrees they can improve, he never points things out to them when they are wrong.

    My parents are the exact opposite and I am not saying this because they are MY parents, but even my husband agrees they are really amazing. I went through a lot trying to learn his language, making it a point to visit his family once a week despite not wanting to, leaving my own home and family far behind where I cannot even go when I feel like. But the way he is makes me feel very bitter about the relationship, that things are very unfair. I know there is no way now his parents are going to get any wiser but I wish I was far away from them. I wish I could speak to them directly when they annoy me without them or my husband feeling bad. I wish I could let go of little things and choose my battles. I wish my husband would constantly be on my side and tell them off with ease whenever there is a need. I pay the rent of my place where he is now sharing with me. He never told me anything like ‘Hey now that we are married, I want to pay or share the rent’. He has tried a lot but so far unsuccessful in looking for a house where we can move to.

    We are both 25 years old. Will both of us grow more mature and things would change? I feel constantly bitter and don’t even feel like smiling at him anymore. What should I do?

    #15879

    Swarup
    Participant

    Ya sisterit is also a reason that you both are same age but exactly the problem is still u have to learn more things about marriage and indian culture. Nobody will simply loose thier family like the people of other country does. So u should wait for some time and then u will understand their love.

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