Friendship v/s Love

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    It all began when my best guy friend began going out with someone without telling me about it. Initially, we had this brother/sister kind of relationship. We used to share every minute detail of the day and then suddenly, I cam to know from a third person that he had gone out on a date with some girl. That was the moment when I realized that the feeling of jealousy which was driving me crazy was not because of our friendship but something more. I didn’t talk to him for a long time but then eventually, we started talking and he said that it wasn’t a ‘date’ actually.

    He noticed how I used to act weirdly whenever the two of them interacted and questioned me about the same. I chickened out saying that I didn’t approve of the girl. He promised me to gradually stop talking to him.

    He kept dropping hints all that while – spending hours with me sitting at a quiet place, talking on phone for hours late at night despite being in the same year in residential college, chatting nearly 24×7, noticing what I wore, not talking in public lest people grew suspicious of us. One day, I confessed that I had feelings for him and he said that he always felt so but wanted me to say it first. We behaved normally after that – as we earlier used to – like friends.

    Then there were days I spotted them sitting together and it bothered me. One night, he told me that he had said no to her when she asked him out because of me in a very accusing tone. He said that he would stop talking to both of ‘us’ – her and me. I point blank asked him if he could see us together in future and he denied. Plus, he didn’t want my academics to get affected by such things. I told him that if I were being an obstacle, I will just go away and never come between the two of them. That was the last I talked to him.

    He stopped acknowledging my presence. In a few days he started going public with the girl, which broke my heart completely. They would spend evenings together sitting in a public place and I would feel the wrath of rejection.

    Two months later, when he was away, he texted me saying that he wanted his best friend back and I didn’t know what to do. Now, I see him in college everyday and we still ignore each other despite living in the same campus, sitting in the same class all day long. I don’t know what to do, how to make things better. I am in such a misery that every time he walks by me, my hands shake. I feel like crying and asking him why he did that to me. I had wasted all my time and emotions on him. I still want the old times back, when we used to care so much for each other. I feel empty within. He is the first and the last thought in my mind every day.

    One one hand, I am trying to act all cool from the exterior, I pretend not to care about his presence at all. I laugh and live with my friends, but from within I feel like crying knowing that I am not on talking terms with someone who used to be my best friend.

    I still think what would I say if he approaches me ever, but somewhere I get this feeling that he is never going to approach me and I will be left waiting all my life. What do I do now?

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