This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Akash Sen 2 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #18405

    Akash Sen
    Participant

    I am 28 years old IT professional. I never fell in love previously .8 months before I met a girl of 20 years age. I fell in love with her.First time she said me that she never had a boyfriend before. After few days of relation ship she told me that her mother had a extramarital relationship. I said it is okay .After few days she said that she had a 3 years of relationship. After few days she said that she had another relationship with another boy. Few days after she said that she was sexually harassed by her teacher when she was 12 years old. After some day she said that she had physical relation with her first boyfriend eventually she said that she had physical relation with her second boyfriend also.

    I also had physical relation with her . First time when we met physically I told her I don’t want to meet physically before marriage . She said it is okay with her if I can not marry her in future . Days passed and I started fall in love. Currently I am out of the country and my family said ,they are not agree in that relationship. I love that girl but I am not how many physical partner she was before . I can not quiet agree that My wife had more that one physical partner. I never had a relation or physical relation.

    I am also anxious about her future . If I do not talk with her for even 1 day I am getting depressed . Right now I don’t have anybody with me to help because I am out of country for a long term project. My depression level is increasing day by day. I will never be happy if marry this girl but I am anxious about her future. She is saying that she will not marry if I refuse her. Even I told her to do hymenoplasty and I will bear the cost even if I am not responsible for that. She did not agree . Now she is saying that I spoiled her life. She can not think of new relationship. I don’t want to hurt her ,I love her. I don’t want her to see in tough situation. I always think about her. and my depression level is increasing day by day . I am loosing weight . I can’t find any joy in my life . Please suggest me what to do.She also loved me very much but I never expect a girl like her in my life who had more than one physical relation.Sometime she is saying that she will do suicide.

    #18416

    Pari
    Participant

    Dear Akaash,
    Ask yourself that if the girls has told you all what she told you after few months of your friendship,will you have still moved ahead with her?
    I feel you are infatuated towards her . it is just 8 months of relationship rather total time knowing each other.
    I feel the same for her that even she is not clear of her priorities or might has not made any till date as she is just in college.Getting married might be a decision at your age but not hers. The way she is reacting to your decision of moving on might be because she has to come out of her comfort zone ( with you) and loose a settled guy…I might be wrong!
    I feel you should give more time to your relationship . Generally long distance relationship are easy to end when not bonded with true love. You will have your answers.Either you have to accept her with her past ( as you say you love her) or move on and don’t care about your anxiety.Choice is your’s.
    If her being involved in multiple relationships is not acceptable to you now , it is likely to be the same in future. This will not bring happiness to any of you…

    Thats just my views.

    Take care

    #18425

    Akash Sen
    Participant

    Lots of Than to you Pari for your great reply.I appreciate it.
    My only question to you is that, will I be happy ,Can I forget her , If I marry another girl. Will I do injustice to my current girlfriend or the new girl whom I get married as I had physical relationship with present(though we talk very less.Trying to keep distance from her) girlfriend.

    #18431

    Swarup
    Participant

    Hi akash its going to be ok if u marry another girl, don’t be ashamed of urself. Just forget all that as a bad dream and focus on ur future. Ur current gf know about u that u are not as her and she know that u will going to accept her without considering past things. Don’t be a fool to marry her as u are telling that she still don’t have a constant mind and loves u only in her life. If u think that she is really changed from the past things then only forward to next step.

    #18432

    Akash Sen
    Participant

    Thank you Swarup.

    #18435

    Amit
    Participant

    Akash its not a good philosophy to reject a girl based on her past intimate relationships over and above when u love her. U need to change this crooked and completely irrational philosophy of yours. Even if the girl has a past that u dont like that does not make her a bad person or a whore.Or that does not prove u wont be happy with her in future. If u still insist on this u will always feel anxious and insecure even when u have girls around and when u dont have u will feel depressed. So change your view point and start thinking rationally about things. If u love her then Accept her with her past that would be best for u.

    #18439

    Akash Sen
    Participant

    Amit,

    Whenever I am alone one thought is automatically coming in my mind is, other persons slept with her, they have touched her and this thinking is putting me in big trouble. I always behave roughly with her when this thought comes in my mind . Will I be able to forget those things ever in future? If not then me and she both will be in real trouble .

    One more thing is, her mother also had a extramarital relationship.Will she be like that in future because she already physically attached with two person within 20 years of age only.she did the mistake once but second time how can she did the same mistake!
    even in third time with me she did the thing again….How can I trust her?How can I be confirm that she did not have other physical partners.But now she loved me very much. Is it for her good future or she truly love me I dint understand.

    If I do not talk with her she is telling me that she lost every battle in her life previous two boyfriend ditched her. She don’t want live in this world anymore.She can’t concentrate on anything. I don’t know are those things correct or she is telling those things for getting sympathy

    #18443

    Amit
    Participant

    Akash whatever be her past it does not tell about her future. Its your own illogical assumptions and a thinking error called overgeneralization thats making u think that she will end up the same with u as she did twice before. Do u know scientist took almost 10 years to invent light. Year by year they failed for continous 10 years. If they had thought that now they cant invent light and they are bound to fail everytime then we wouldnt have any light today. But fortunately they looked towards it rationally and didnt give up. They knew Past does not indicate future. So u also give up this notion. Though she could have tried with 2 other guys but it didnt worked might be possible it works with both of u. The girl here seems to be depressed. she may not be doing this all for sympathy. She actually wants u not to give up on her. Having a touch or physical doesnt make anybody bad. So she is not bad but only ur irrational thinking is making her look bad to u and u irrationally conclude that she will again go physical with more guys with no evidence to support this at all and just by her bad past u support it stupidly.

    #18444

    Akash Sen
    Participant

    @Amit,
    Thanks for indulging me to rethink about the relationship.

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