April 7, 2014 at 4:36 am #13656
So this my story so far .
We were friends for couple of months before she started liking me. We continued being friends for few more months because i wasn’t sure about her in that way. plus i always thought and i still think that she is out of my league. Almost after 8-9 months of friendship we were in a relationship for 1and half year and for most of the part we lived in together .
Something about our relationship : we were boyfriend girlfriend and best friends at the same time. She got a job and moved to a different city just to be with me. We still work for the same company (our offices in different buildings). Everything was like fairytale.At the ens of one year she made an anniversary card for me and a letter pouring her heart out (i knew she is very happy and content).. However there was 1 major problem which i neglected so much that it brought up the end.
Problem – I dint accept her in front of anyone. No i am not mean and yes i was sure that i want to spend my entire life with this crazy girl being her crazy bf husband and best friend.
Ok the reason i dint accept her was cos we had a history . Her ex was my very good friend (although i dint knew much abt her that time), and this girl her ex and i had 100+ mutual friends. Yes i was afraid of their reaction so tried keeping it a secret. She understood this and was patient , but it was too much for her too take when i gave the same reason even after 18months. I tried solving this problem but according to her she was hurt and she wanted to give it another try but after taking a break for sometime.Before breaking up she told me on several occasions that we should be friends for sometime like before and again continue the relationship but i wasnt ready for it as i thot it will lead to a breakup.
Its not like she dint knew i loved her , but these mistakes of mine finally ended our relationship.
Pre breakup :There was this guy ‘S’ at her office who used to like her . When she noticed she was trying too hard , she dint have an option but to tell him that she is already commited . She did this so that her friendship isnt ruined. So technically he was the only one who knew abt it.
Post breakup : He became a shoulder she could cry upon. It made me feel insecure because i wasnt getting enought time to spend with her whereas this guy was literally in touch with her 24*7 . I told her that , and finally it came to a point that i started pullung S in every conversation we had. Looking back now i know i made those mistakes . I started pushing her away from me to S. She told me once “you know ritesh y is this guy so imp to me , because you never allowed me to share about us to my childhood friends and my family“. I completely agree to this.
So after the breakup , she wanted me to be her friends ,which i told her is not a gud option but i did that cos i wanted manipulate her. i tried being cool and everything but 4-5 days down the line i used to break in front of her and came back to square one. This continued for a month (During this i cried begged pleaded at least on 3 occasions and all at the same time). After this i decided that this cant continue like this , so i met her for lunch and told her that the relationship dint workout but our friendship was great let us not ruin that. For that she replied “We are still very gud frnds“ . i said no , i want to start it from scratch after few days. She was ok with it and said instead of few days , we should do it after 2-3 months because anything however small happening in her life would affect me directly. I wanted to keep the line of communication open so i agreed to it.
She broke up in Feb starting. We stayed in touch and i acted like friends till mid march (18th march was when the NC started) .
Its 6th today , In last 18days i have moved to a new place , made new friends and for the 1st time started going to the gym and i will be promoted in my office by the end of this month.
After the breakup she spent a sum of money on me (thats because she was free that time and i was in office) . After few days it was her birthday . I made her a beautiful card , wrote a poetry , drew a image of her and kept that card in her apartment (she dint knew about it as she was staying at her friends place post breakup). Nxt day we started the NC. And i am sure she saw the card after a week because she had told me she will be going to her apartment after a week. 2 days after that she dropped me mail asking very politely if its convenient for me to return that cask back since she was shifting to a different place and needed it . I dint reply her back but i tranferred the amount in her account.
So to sum it up :
1. She broke up in Feb.
2. I started no contact in mid march after agreeing to be friends after 2-3 months so that the line of contacts is still open.
3. She and S have become even more close friends (dont know if they are in a relationship or not) . To some extent this part affects me even now .
Kindly help me , as i have no idea what should be my next step.
And yes i am an DOER
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