October 22, 2013 at 7:00 pm #13491
Hi I am 32 year old woman, unmarried. with lot of issues , responsibilities, problems.
Its really now too horrible experience i am facing. specially from last 2.5 yrs
from my childhood i wanted to be different from others in dress in talk in behavior. i wanted to be favorite of all. but had few bad experiences within the age of 10 yrs. sexually abused by a stranger by my own father and few times again by strangers. so i got very defensive and started acting like a guy very tough with all guys fighting with them as i felt those were very disgusting. gentically i am a normal girl .
in the age of 7 i started feeling as i will marry a north indian guy later in future by seing a TV show . i got addicted to north language food culture so i didnt learn my own south culture . i had a strong feeling that one day a north indian will come and ask me to marry. and for that i have to go to bangalore in future.
and one more imagination i had that i wil get 3 male best friends in life in future.
and one more statement i gave in childhood everyday that i will have a tragedy ending. dont know why.
till 16 th year i had a doubt that people do stare at me all the time . my classmates even strangers no bar of age and gender. but i ignored.
i had a crush at college and left studies . and sold own house to com to bangalore forced family to accept my all decisions. and came to bangalore. i was wonder when on a social site i got a number to make friends at 22 nd year and i did few dropped but one guy seemed serious about me he called nd after few days he praposed me to marry he was a north indian guy exactly the place i imagined whole childhood.
it was serious phone relationship for 4 years i was like mad loved him even we met 2 times marriage could happened but his parents opposed.and all messed up. we separated in 2007. my half life dream imagination all finished , i went into too much dipression.
luckily my 2nd imagination came true like a miracle and i got 3 male phone friends very good decent guys , met 2 of them twice even, who helped me to get out of that incident nd dipression. they made me to go to job earn nd independant nd happy.from 2007 till 2011. one was dropped but 2 r still in contact.
in this period i tried to get in love nd tried to get married twice to north indian guys but both ended in tragedy withing few days. i felt my imagination nd dream can happen only once nd that happened so i should stop here . and again went in dipression as i felt i cant get marry ever.
but i never forgot that first guy .
In 2011 june i met a guy in my own office who was 7 yrs younger to me was a colleague started liking me after 6 months of friendship. i was 29 already nd left all hope felt very happy for last time and discussed with him about my age my past my family issues and he continued with all. even i was happy . he was serious about marraige. so i continued but ….. some strange incidents started happening with me after 6 months . he was very short temper and was very fast about physical intimacy which i opposed and he started fighting with me . physicaly beaten me few times. fought on roads just for silly reasons , ya he didnt ever forced to have sex but everyday he wanted physical intimacy.
once we both stood down office and talking not miss behaved but we were close nd holded hands , all of sudden a lady came nd started screaming on me that i am doing odd things nd other girls get spoil bcoz of me and all….. huge fight happened . it was second time something like that but i knew i didnt cross my limits in public place i am very decent girl.
after sometime we both were sitting in park not kissed or hugged bt sat closely a police cop came and started blaming us with all odd things god knows i was so shocked and scared nd said sorry nd left. i myself saw in same park sometime back couple use to sit and kiss smooch. nothing happened that time.
meanwhile i started feeling strongly that people stare at me very badly though i dress neatly i do wear a dupatta as a burkha , no expose i do .
i dont know why but with all above incidents i wanted to leave him but i could not , i really dont know why. its too mysterious. i still cant belive.
its happened in last 2.4 yrs. i was a girl who lived and died for respect and my respect was spoiled after i met this guy from him also nd from others also. i thought many time to suicide. but family……
but really now its really not my imagination or feeling people really stare at me as i am a criminal or some prostitute. it hurts me till die. and i always felt nd experienced men see me stare me with a sex intention. even my boyfreind too.
two months back we voccated a house nd did a mistake as didnt take advance amount struggled a lot to get back . so i found my old childhood friend whom i was not spoken ever not seen from 17 yrs bt heard he is police got his number and told my problem. he spoke good a week , second week it was solved somehow nd he again called to ask i told its done then he started suddenly that he was loving me he still love me and all i was damn shocked stoped him bt he kept on sending love msgs nd found my photo on face book ,, dont know what he wil do with that i am scared. i switched off phone nd called my boyfriend to tell he came in evening i was very sick with that shock we went to a park sat i was crying nd about to tel him but before that again a cop came nd called us out and he made our life hell by abusing and harassing to put case , i tried to tell him we were doing nothing just sitting but he made us to stand on main road insulted asked home address parents numbers i didnt give anyway. but said sorrys and after 15 minutes he letted us to go.
i could not tell my boyfriend about my old friend issue but got more scared more dipressed bcoz of that cop.
its happened again. and when i was alone after my 4 yrs love affair i was going to a office there my two bosses had personal problems nd one came nd told all personal to me frocefully and after some days they got together nd he got scared that i may tel his secrets to other so one day he hacked my own id and sent a abusing mail about me to all my friends listed there as i m a prostitute nd all . he just did this to make me leave job. bcoz he told too personal about other boss life , unecesarily i got trapped. and left job.
even i did 6 jobs everywhere people tried to use me for their works as i cant say NO to anybody. they cheated me many times.
its all really tragedies now which are forcing me to die . my third imagination came true . tell me why this is happened to me. i am 32 yr old bt still virgin just to not to spoil my respect infront of anybody but still many people made me a bitch a prostitute. why ???????????
i just wanted to get love and get married nd to b honest get kids and live nothing else i wanted in life but my life become hell now. PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ HELP immediately
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.