May 9, 2013 at 1:31 pm #13359
I like to tell you first our family background which will help you to understand better the situation.
I am from a lower middle class family of a village in West Bengal. My father was a clerk in a village school. I studied 10th and 12th in village school and after that I completed my graduation and post-graduation from a renowned engineering university in Kolkata. Now I am a software engineer working in a good IT company.
My wife is also from a middle class family of Kolkata city. Her father was also a clerk-accountant in a private company in Kolkata. Her family includes only her parents. They do not have much relationship with their relatives. Her mother is not so happy in life.
We are married for last 3 years and now have a baby of 8 months old and staying in a different metro city. It is a love-marriage. Before marriage we knew each other for 8 years. We got married although her parents did not accept us. But although her father had no problem to accept us, he was scared to tell it to her mother to avoid problems and to keep peace. My wife used to meet her father (also staying in same city at that time for his job and her mother was staying in Kolkata) very frequently without informing her mother. One day, before her father’s retirement, her mother spoke to her and put some condition to accept us which is we have to give Rs.15000 per month to her parents as we both are working. Rs. 10000 from my wife and rs.5000 from me. When I heard of this from my wife, I immediately said I am sorry to give that. But my wife started giving Rs.15000 every month.
After 4-5 months of this incident, I informed (as my wife feels so shy to inform) to my parent-in-laws about her pregnancy. Listening to that they got so angry that they started shouting on her asking why so early , you should enjoy your life now… like that and we felt that they are not happy at all with that news. We were not in touch with them for 2-3 weeks after that incident. Her parents started speaking to my wife again after few days.
As my wife is on unpaid leave to take care our baby, now I am giving Rs.10000 per month to her parents. When I opposed to that my wife told that assume that you are paying me this money as I am taking care of your baby and sometimes she is promising to give some money (rs10000) to her parents without asking me and I cannot say no, otherwise she will be angry and will not do any work at home.
If I give some good advice to her, she will not follow that. If she is asking me to do something, I have to do that otherwise she will start quarrelling, crying and will tell that I am not giving any value to her words and says that she has done a mistake marrying me. Previously, she used to beat me, slapped me so many times, scratched my arms with her nail, kept a burning matchbox stick on my palm. Now a days she is telling that she is trying to control but if she could beat me, her angers will go off immediately after this. Otherwise, it takes a full day to overcome the situation for her.
Sometimes my wife is getting irritated because my baby cry for sleeping and we have no one to look after other than we two. So when I am in office, only she has to take care of my baby. Sometimes she will get very angry and will slap on back of the baby.
If I play with my baby and don’t give priority to my wife, she feels that I am ignoring her and am not loving her like before.
I get only 6 hours to spend at home other than the sleeping in weekdays. Most of the time I do some work at home like sweeping, mopping, cooking, washing cooking utensils, to make my baby ready for night sleeping and pressing my wife’s body, head, hands to give little comfort as she feels pain almost everyday.
If I spend little amount like Rs20-30 for tea with colleagues she will shout on me. If I spend money in anything I have to inform it to her how/where I have spent that. She will track all the bank accounts her/mine. But if she wants to go to her parents’ house, wont think of money to spend for flight fare.
Although she is going to her parents’ house, she will not go to my parents’ house. Because of that I do not inform my parents about her journey to her parents’ house. Just don’t want to hurt my parents. Even my parents did not see my baby after 8 months old although she could meet them when she went to her parents’ house last time. As her mother doesn’t like, she will not go. Her mother will scold her using abusive language if she goes, is her response on this.
She will teach me how to behave with my neighbours, if I do not agree, she will be angry on me, will cry and will say have done mistake marying me, threatens to go to Kolkata in her parents’ house.
I am just looking for peace and that is why I am bearing all these so far. But sometimes I am also getting very angry and threatening to divorce. Then she will say where I will go, I don’t like to go back to my parents house. They will give salt in my cutting body. I can not stay there. One day she agreed to get separated leaving the baby with me and went out to search for ladies hostel. But from the middle of the road she came back saying “I can not live without baby”.
Very frequently we are fighting with each other. Please suggest something to handle the situation.
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