Hi everyone, I was raped as a little child multiple times by a friend of my mother. He used to put me down and degrade me in front of my siblings. He caused me great pain and suffering. In fourth grade, I told my mum about it but she didn’t do anything to stop the perpetrator. I have never had a single meaningful friendship and have never shared this secret with anyone except the one time I yelled at my parents and talked about it. Now I have trust issues and zero friends. I dont know how to make small talk. I dont think friendships are beneficial in any way. I cant see the meaning in life. Every time a senior or authority figure starts to talk to me, or even calls me in their office, I feel scared and start shivering even before they begin speaking. I dont stand up for myself. If I have to, I start crying a lot. I run from situations or bend myself backwards to do as people tell me to do. I know I have serious issues and I dream of suicide a lot. Please help me folks.