This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Amit Amit 1 year, 11 months ago.

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  • #18353
    Profile photo of anotherGuy
    anotherGuy
    Participant

    This is about a girl whom I love. But it’s not about relationship. It’s about her life. She has been depressed for a long time. For a long time her family has been harsh towards her. Her job is also very taxing. From what I know, she’s been sexually abused when she was very young. I am telling all this to let you know that she’s troubled and sad because she has very strong reasons. But all that is past. What I am worried about right now is that she has some illness, some health problem. And from her recent manner of talking I can tell that it is serious. She went to a doctor some time ago, and since then she has been telling me to forget about her, to find some other girl. Now, I want her to get proper treatment for whatever it is. But she refuses to do so. She has lost all sense of selfworth. She cares a lot about others, even those who have wronged her, but she doesn’t care about her at all. She believes that with her end many people’s problems will be solved, including mine(the future of our relationship is bleak, but that’s another story). I am thousands of miles away from her, and we won’t be able to meet for months. I want to support her, but I don’t want to be her crutch. Most of all, I want her to realize that she matters. And letting her life decay like this is no way to solve any problem. From this far away I have nothing but words for her. What do I do? Please help. Please.(sorry about the long post, but I felt that I should provide at least this much info)

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by Profile photo of anotherGuy anotherGuy.
    #18358
    Profile photo of Amit
    Amit
    Participant

    Its very nice to be concerned about somebody and i appreciate it. But to be over-concerned about her life is not at all rational and completely unnecessary over and above when she wants u to leave her alone. Mate u need to deal with things more realistically then emotionally. From what she is doing with her life she is completely responsible for all her actions. Though u can influence her but u cannot control her. So stop taking so much responsibilty or else u will make urself miserable by trying to do the impossible.U have already done ur part by asking her so many times to help. Thats all. Now understand taking care of her or forming a loving relationship with her is one way to be happy. There are so many other ways to be happy. Try to look out for some other girl or look for some more sources of happiness like involving in activities u find absorbing. The girl is mature enough and let her be on her own thats what would be a sensible act for u and best. Allthough u can still choose to behave irrationaly and get upset.

    #18373
    Profile photo of anotherGuy
    anotherGuy
    Participant

    Brother, love, first and foremost, is neither sensible nor rational. But anyways that’s just philosophy. And as far as my well-being is concerned, I am ok I guess. I am not really worried about forming a loving relationship. As I’ve said earlier, this is not about our relationship. Just think of her as another person. She is ruining her life. I know I am being overly concerned. But I can’t just ler her be, she’ll destroy herself. You said I can influence her. That is all I need. I am just not sure about the ‘how’. I mean, how can I urge her to be more self caring by just talking to her over the phone. I can’t even meet her. And the usual things that we read on every other self-help site/book, she’ll see right through their bulls**t. As I said, she has seen enough pain and sufferring. She’s not naive.

    #18378
    Profile photo of Amit
    Amit
    Participant

    there is no reason why u cant let her be on her own but it is just u dont want to let her be on her own. U have made an irrational philosophy about her well-being where u have started believing u can control her behaviour. its like jumping to touch the sky. and getting upset when not being able to ending up hurting ur own legs. dont think she’s foolish though u could be acting foolishly these days could depend on many reasons. she may like u to be around but she dont need u. In this case she dont even want u to be around still u insist on that. Tough

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