August 22, 2015 at 12:27 am #18495
I am 25 , male. I had a miserable childhood i guess. My parents didn’t love each other , I grew up watching them fight everyday many times, and sometimes my father used to do physical abuse to my mother. My mother is kinda less educated village women , clearly she had nothing to do than just go through it , as did i. Unfortunately they both used to physically beat me , when i did things they told not to, in fact almost every day . In third world country this a very common thing i guess , as i have seen this thing many other families. Anyways at age when kid should love their parents most and rely only on them, I used to hate my parents most in this world. But when i did grow up and live away from home , I have seen the horror of outside world and now i dont love anything other than my parents and family. The problem is , its not only that i have had a miserable childhood , it continued further. Almost like all other parents my parents wanted me to become a doctor or engineer to have a secure life in general and tried every possible physical and mental way to put their choice on me. I had other choice and i fought them for it , i used to play decent cricket and wanted to be a cricketer , I did play at the peak of my country ( some of my mates are renowned international Cricketers now ) , but couldn’t carry on alone , with no one to support me financially or mentally, moreover had one decent injury that time. I was always a good student , i did study in to top school and college in my city. My relatives still tell me you are the best student of our families who wasted his talent. Anyway I had this education gap , and now studying in Computer Science. I am already a decent computer programmer and probably will be a good one , right now except few financial problem i have none. My only question , Does medical science have anything to remove past from my memory ? i just want to erase everything i have in my memory and start a new life. They keep coming back, again and again. I know what i m into , I know how to solve this yet i am not strong enough to leave my past behind me. When i see a father kissing his baby and teaching swimming in front of me , i feel joy but tears fell from my eye.This changes every other things going on in me. I rarely have any friend and prefer lonelyness, i did try to make friends but when i could see the inside of the person , i prefer to keep me away . I dont smoke , dont drink, dont like to argue with anyone even if needed. Thank you.August 22, 2015 at 9:21 pm #18496
Past does not indicate future. No matter how bad your past could be your present problems are being caused by your thought process that u have now. U just have to change it and u will be all good. Medical science cannot erase past but it can councel u to improve ur present and future by changing ur thought process. Once u see things with this new thought process u will not irrationally think about ur past. U can refer a cognitive behavior therapist or can go for self help online.
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