how to forget her ?

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  • #21544
    i wont tell

    I will try to tell my problem.
    1. I got engagement to a woman (Dec 2015)
    2. Later I didn’t liked her, so I cancelled the wedding. (Feb 2016)
    3. I was not much concerned about the issue.
    4. But whenever something good happens to me, or me enjoying something, I used to get a thought about her and it was not regular once in a while. (later found it is guilty feeling). It bothered me, but not much.

    5. Now I recently got married (2018).
    6. Last three months, I am getting thoughts about her, I don’t like her but it is troubling me.

    7. If I get her thought while using some things, doing certain kind of works, next time I see that things or do that work, I again get the thought about her.

    8. Last one month, I am trouble by over thoughts, now whenever I am idle, all I get is her thoughts.
    9. I don’t want her thoughts, I want to happily live with my wife.

    10 Sometimes I remember her even when I am happy with my wife.
    11. I am afraid how to remove her thoughts, I want be happy with my wife.

    12. It is troubling me a lot.

    13. I don’t like her but it is scaring me, kind of, I don’t like myself.

    14. I don’t know what is my problem itself, to take steps.

    15. Thank you.


    Hi, it’s because you’re still feeling guilty about yourself. You are feeling bad whether you have done any wrong thing by not marrying her like broking any promise. People usually forget this kind of things which they’ve done in past but you’re kind of person who takes very much care for any person and wish to not harm anyone physically or mentally. So by the time you left her you are not fully forgot about the things related with her.
    So may I know how she is now in her life?


    Hi anonymous,

    IT appears that your guilt about breaking off your engagement with the first girl (and possibly breaking her heart) has created a high level of anxiety within you and has acted as a hook for an obsessional thought process. One way to get past this is to try and get in touch with that girl and assure yourself that she is doing really well in life and you can apologise for your actions. If you cannot do this then the next option is to accept that when you rejected her you made a deliberate choice based on whatever factors you might have considered then and assume full responsibility for your choice. Tell yourself that “I might have hurt her by my decision at that time but my reasons to me at that time appeared sound enough for me to make that choice and even though I might have become a villain in her life story, it’s my choice and I accept that”. Repeat this to yourself as often as you need to and hopefully you’ll be able to move forward.


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